Cancer season is asking you to embody radical self-trust by accessing your inner navigational system, your intuition. One of the many ways intuition communicates to us is through our bodies and our emotions, so while it might be scary, it is time for you to stop treating your emotions like obstacles to avoid and start acknowledging them as valuable information. 

Feelings are not fruitless noise. They're vital data. Information that your body has access to that can guide you. But you've been trained to override them, ignore them, to logic your way past them, or to treat sensitivity like a flaw instead of a feature.

This month, we reverse that. Allow Cancer season to help you follow your heart’s guidance, and when Leo season arrives midway through July, allow it to amplify the courage required to actually follow what your heart is telling you, to put yourself on the pedestal instead of others. 

But first you have to learn to listen to what’s keeping you from doing that. Your emotions aren't asking for your permission or your understanding. They're asking for your trust and full attention. These tarotscopes will show you where you're still swimming against the current and where you're ready to let the tide carry you. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs. 

Cancer: Ten of Cups

The Ten of Cups represents the dream realized. It’s emotional fulfillment, self-actualization, the support and blessings from your spirit squad, and satisfaction. The life you’ve been building is actually feeling good, and it’s about to get so much better. The sky is the limit. You are your ancestor’s greatest dream, but are you dreaming to your fullest capacity? How can you expand above and beyond what you deem is possible for yourself now? Because ultimately they have your back and are fueling your journey with nothing but blessings and opportunities. July is asking you to trust that you can have this. Your heart doesn’t need to earn peace through more suffering and self-limitation. It doesn't need to stay vigilant to keep the good from leaving. What you’ve created is real. What you’re feeling is valid. Your emotions are telling you it’s safe to land here. Believe them.

Leo: Death

Emotionally, you know that it is time to let things pass on. New elements are ready to emerge in your life. What they are? You’ll have to wait for that to unfold. You are attuned to the reality that certain factors have passed their due date. This means that people, places, and situations may have already had their mark on your life and have served their purpose, so it’s time to let go of them or acknowledge that they will be exiting your life. Internally, you might be resisting this transition or desiring more clarity around the who, what, when, where, and why, but I'm here to tell you that it’s irrelevant. Vibe with your current state of being and allow things to unfold organically or you will be in your own way. You don’t need to know all the details. July is showing you that your heart is asking you to release the need to control how people see you. Die and be reborn. The version of yourself that needed validation, approval, and a standing ovation, they’re leaving. Your emotions know this is necessary. Just let it go. What comes next doesn't need permission from the old version.

Virgo: King of Swords

Your emotions are trying to reach you and your mind keeps intercepting the message. Sounds familiar? The King of Swords is all clarity and intellect, but logical clarity isn't the same as embodied truth. You've built a fortress of logic so impenetrable that your own heart can't get through, and this is causing you to be in your own way. July is showing you that your gift for precision, for seeing what's wrong, for cutting through confusion, it's also your weapon against feeling anything real. You analyze your emotions instead of moving them because that’s your natural baseline. You categorize your pain instead of releasing it. Your body is exhausted from being outsmarted by your own mind. What if your heart knows something your intellect can't parse? What if the answer isn't logical? It is time to hone in on your own body’s wisdom. Feel into it. Sense into it. Trust what you already know to be true without needing mental explanation. Your emotions are asking you to be vulnerable enough to not understand everything. Trust that.

Libra: The Hermit

The Hermit is asking you to withdraw from the noise, the opinions of others and the constant distraction that pulls you away from yourself. It’s time to honor that you need to go inward and invest there. Your inner world creates your outer reality. And right now, your heart and intuition have important information to share with you and it requires silence to listen. July is showing you that your gift for diving internally, honing in on your wisdom, and putting distractions aside is going to come in handy. The Hermit knows something you've forgotten: The wisdom you're looking for isn't in other people's approval. Sit with what you feel when there's no one to perform balance for. Your emotions don't need a committee. They need your undivided attention. Much will be revealed to you regarding your next steps, when you take the opportunity to pause and look inward.

Scorpio: Six of Pentacles

Your emotions know exactly who's taking from you and who's actually reciprocating, but you keep giving anyway. The Six of Pentacles is about exchange, fairness, and about knowing the difference between generosity and self-abandonment. Your heart is keeping score even if your mind won't admit it, which probably means you are not honoring your own boundaries. July is showing you that not only are your feelings accurate, but it will be revealed to you where you are exerting too much energy to assist others instead of yourself. The people you're pouring into aren't pouring back. Additionally, you may not be aware where you have the opportunity in your life to receive help and guidance from resources around you and you’re not taking advantage of it. Your intensity, your depth, your transformational power — you're giving it away to people who don't know how to hold it. They're asking you to stop mistaking your ability to heal for an obligation to save everyone. Your heart knows who deserves access to it. Trust what you feel about who's worth the investment. And instead, prioritize yourself as the investment.

Sagittarius: The Hierophant

Your emotions are screaming at you to question the path you've been following and dare to create your own, but you keep deferring to the system that has been laid out for you or the established doctrine because it feels safer than trusting yourself. This is the time to go outside the box and create your own path. The Hierophant is asking you to examine whether you're actually aligned with this belief or if you're just not invoking your free will to believe differently. Your heart knows the difference between genuine spiritual resonance and spiritual compliance. July is showing you that your gut is rebelling against something you've been rationalizing as truth. You don't need another teacher's permission to trust your own knowledge. You don’t need another reading or to follow other’s advice. Your nervous system is telling you when something is off, when a path doesn't match your actual frequency, when you're performing belief instead of living it. Stop waiting for the authority to validate your experience. You are the authority. What's your heart actually saying about this?

Capricorn: 7 of Swords

Your emotions can sense when there might be disingenuous energy around you, even if it’s you exhibiting it toward yourself. The Seven of Swords is theft, shadiness, and questionable behavior. You’re not crazy. You have a sharp sixth sense that is cluing you in behind the scenes. July is showing you ways in which your behavior, actions, beliefs, and thoughts could be stealing your life force, keeping you limited and enabling you to stay small. Alternatively, it may be illuminating factors in your life that are no longer aligned with who you are and where you are going. Consider both options. In some aspects, you may be selling yourself short by juggling more than what you can currently handle and there could be an underlying belief that vulnerability and asking for help is weakness. That it is ok for you to handle it all because you are more than capable. But your body may be exhausted and in preparation for an energetic expansion that allows you to receive more by doing and being less. Stop stealing from yourself. And take action when others are stealing from you in any form.

Aquarius: 8 of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles is devotion to craft, but your heart is asking if this is actually your craft or just the one you decided you should be good at because you’re settling for what’s available. July is showing you that your body has a different opinion than your intellect. You may be drawn to what you truly want to invest in or take on as a career, but excuses hold you back. You are standing in your own way. Consistently attempting to “heal” or work on things to “fix” yourself when you’re already whole and capable. You're so committed to intellectual mastery that you've stopped listening to what actually excites you, what genuinely matters to you, what your nervous system is vibrating toward. You can become brilliant at something meaningless, which is a waste of your time. Your emotions are asking you to question the assignment and your current approach. Is this really what you came here to do or is this what you convinced yourself you should want? Your heart knows the difference between passion and obligation. Stop perfecting something your soul doesn't believe in.

Pisces: 7 of Cups

Your emotions are drowning in fantasy and you're calling it intuition, but much of that is actually false. The Seven of Cups is illusion, distraction, losing yourself in what could be instead of what actually is. Your heart is so good at imagining perfect scenarios and diving into potential possibilities that you've stopped being able to discern what's real. July is showing you that your gift for dreams has become your escape route or that you’re placing too much emphasis on others when you need to focus on yourself. You're romanticizing situations that don't deserve your energy, creating narratives about people who don't match your frequency, building entire lives in your mind while your actual life needs attention. The best advice this month is to mind your business. Your body knows the difference between spiritual vision and spiritual avoidance, but the mind won't stop conjuring. Your emotions are asking you to ground into what's actually happening instead of what you wish was happening. Step 1 is to pour that focus and energy into yourself. Stop using your sensitivity as permission to live in fantasy. Your heart knows the truth. Are you brave enough to feel into it?

Aries: 3 of Wands

Your emotions are telling you it's time to move on something, but you keep looking at the horizon waiting for the perfect moment to depart. The Three of Wands is vision, but you’re on the threshold waiting to make a move because you’re about to chart unfamiliar territory. July is showing you that your gut has already decided. You've been waiting for external confirmation, for someone to give you permission to go, but it doesn’t work that way. You’ve been shown the path and the direction you need to go on. The next steps will illuminate themselves when you decide to walk the path. Your emotions aren't confused. You're just afraid to trust them without a guarantee of success. The only thing stopping you is your need for certainty before you take the first step. But you don’t need permission or a sign. You are the leader you are seeking.

Taurus: The Devil

You're addicted to the cage you built around your own pleasure. The Devil shows you're trapped in a cycle of wanting abundance but punishing yourself for having it, of craving sensuality but treating it like something you need to earn through suffering. The Empress is standing right there offering you everything ahead: the luxury, the ease, the embodied pleasure of being fully alive, but your nervous system won't let you take it because you’re accustomed to less. July is showing you that your heart isn't confused and your desires are valid. It is your birthright to have it all, but in order to do so, you have to hold the tension of feeling uncomfortable while simultaneously expanding onto new levels of success and wealth. Emotionally, you might be terrified of what it means to actually have all you desire without guilt or struggle, perhaps because in your childhood you’ve witnessed the opposite. You've convinced yourself that abundance requires you to stay vigilant, to keep working, to never fully relax into the feast. Your emotions know this is the lie that's keeping you small. The Empress isn't asking you to earn her gifts. She's asking you to receive them easily by opening up to that possibility. Your body knows how to live in abundance without apology. Let it.

Gemini: Knight of Swords

You're using your words as a weapon against your own feelings. The Knight of Swords is sharp, articulate, and cutting through everything with intellect, but your heart is begging you to stop dissecting emotions and just feel them for the sake of giving it attention. July is showing you that your gift for communication and analysis has become your escape route. You can talk your way out of anything, advocate anything, explain any feeling, rationalize any pain with such precision that you never have to actually move it through your body. Your nervous system is exhausted from being outsmarted by your own tongue because it’s not properly processing how you feel. Your emotions are trying to land, but you keep intellectualizing them before they can take root. Stop using your brilliance as a shield. What would happen if you let yourself be inarticulate for once and focused on full embodiment versus logical articulation? What if the thing you're feeling doesn't have words yet? What if that’s okay? Your body knows. Stop thinking your way past it.

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Watching the sunset, sipping on an Aperol spritz, grabbing an ice cream cone, tanning on your rooftop. These are all integral parts of summer, coloring the season with ease and joy — but nothing echoes the dog days like jelly sandals.

The nostalgic footwear is a little squishy, a bit shiny, and a whole lot like Jell-O, serving as a time capsule into the ‘90s. Often worn as a casual summer style, you could spot them at waterparks and boardwalks (bonus points if you wore the jellies with high-waisted shorts and a baby tee). If you were lucky, they even smelled like grapes or bubblegum.

While a lot has changed since those simpler times, jelly sandals have managed to find their way back to us. The Row debuted a strawberry-red, caged sandal in its 2024 Pre-Fall collection, quickly popularized by Jennifer Lawrence. But it was more than a fad, with Chloé’s gelatinous heels marching down the Spring/Summer 2026 runway.

This resurgence felt fresh, refining the relaxed silhouette to be worn beyond the beach (think dinners in the city and summer soirées). Whether reaching for a designer pick or not, the playful style adds a whimsical touch to your wardrobe, reminding us that life doesn’t have to be so serious. 

That child-like wonder is finding its way among brands like Tory Burch, Dolce Vita, and Kate Spade, offering glitter-dusted straps, crystal-clear footbeds, and syrupy hues all found on Amazon. And since matters of silhouette are wearer-specific, fisherman, kitten-heel, T-strap, and even thong sandals are gaining traction.

Head back to the ’90s and secure a cool-girl version of your favorite throwback shoe. 

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Between the vibrant hue and the comfortable fit, this emerald jelly has become a bestseller among Refinery29 readers. You'd be surprised by how many cool outfits pair well with a sleek green sandal.

Luffymomo Jelly Flip Flops, $, available at Amazon

This ’70s-inspired slide was made for wide-leg jeans and your favorite comfy tank top. The sea-glass blue netting contrasts with the pale wooden sole, decorated with hammered embellishments.

Vince Barbara Jelly Slide Sandals, $, available at Amazon

Add a few inches with these platform slides, boasting a chic tortoise design. Oversized buckles and a pillowy insole deliver style and comfort.

Dolce Vita Julio Jelly Sandals, $, available at Amazon

When you’re craving a burst of color, slip on these kiwi-green slides. The basket cage is adorned with the iconic spade symbol, and the lightweight design keeps them comfortable all day.

Kate Spade Sculpted Spade Jelly Sandals, $, available at Amazon

Picture these glitter-topped kitten heels with a timeless black mini skirt and oversized tee. The slight heel adds an undeniable polish, while flecks of shimmer add a touch of whimsy.

Steve Madden Tracie Sandal, $, available at Amazon

What don’t these maple-colored sandals have? An adjustable ankle strap, square toe, and barely-there heel make for a head-turning footwear choice. Wear them with a satin midi skirt and tie-front vest.

Usrunoe Flip Flop Kitten Heels, $, available at Amazon

If there’s one brand that knows how to do summer right, it’s Farm Rio. The Brazilian clothing and lifestyle label is known for bright, vibrant colors—and these cherry-red thong sandals fit the bill.

Farm Rio Jelly Thong Flat, $, available at Amazon

Headed to the beach? Then don’t forget to pack these easy throw-on-and-go sandals. Glossy straps hug the foot and a toe-loop adds a modern touch. The contoured footbed will even have you walking for miles.

Crocs Miami Toe Loop Sandals, $, available at Amazon

Ready for a night out, these ruched, chilly-red kitten heels make a statement. But what’s better than the cushioned footbed? The delicious bubblegum scent.

Melissa Jelly Thong, $, available at Amazon

Two powerhouse brands come together to deliver the epitome of a cool-girl flip-flop. It’s simple and uncomplicated, effortlessly styled with bubble sunglasses and a statement bag.

Madewell x Melissa Jelly Flip Flops, $, available at Amazon

Sky blue jellies almost feel like a neutral, given how versatile they'll be in your wardrobe. Wear them with your Bermuda shorts and white T-shirts or all your summery dresses.

Cushionaire Splash Jelly Flip Flops, $, available at Amazon

If neutrals are your thing, then you’re going to love these tri-colored sandals. A pearl-white strap is planted atop a chocolate-colored footbed, while a translucent mini heel adds a smidge of height.

Vince San Juan Thong Sandals, $, available at Amazon

These mini wedges might look like heels, but they feel like flats. Loved by Hailey Bieber, this silhouette is taking off—and now you can secure it in a dreamy sky blue.

Schutz Roslyn Jelly Wedges, $, available at Amazon

Whether you plan on wandering cobblestone streets abroad or are simply looking for a summer staple, you’ve found it. This toffee-colored gladiator sandal boasts a melted fastening alongside a comfortable block heel.

Naturalizer Brandy Sandals, $, available at Amazon

It doesn’t get more classic than an interwoven pair of jellies. However, gold shimmer and crystal studs turn a traditional silhouette into wearable art.

Loeffler Randall Rhys Jelly Sandals with Studs, $, available at Amazon

These Tory Burch T-strap sandals whisper quiet luxury, offered in a crystal-clear jelly that’s almost undetectable. The standout detail? The brand’s signature medallion.

Tory Burch Mini Miller Jelly Sandals, $, available at Amazon

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Prime Video’s latest YA TV series, Elle, has big shoes to fill. Or should we say, sparkly sky-high stilettos. The prequel to Legally Blonde is centered around Elle Woods’ life before she made her way to Harvard, or advocated for animal rights in Legally Blonde 2. Many years prior to solving a murder trial with her knowledge of perms, she was a privileged teen living in the height of luxury in LA. The premise of Elle revolves around her family’s fall from grace and subsequent move to moody Seattle, where she sticks out like a sore (or pink) thumb. There are cute call-backs to the original movies, gorgeous ’90s fashion, and one of the most iconic soundtracks of late.

Entertainment writers Lauren McNamara and Rachel Choy sat down to dissect what makes Elle work, and whether it is a good addition to the Legally Blonde universe or not. Spoilers follow.

Rachel Choy: I think Elle hinges on Lexi Minetree’s version of Elle Woods. Her performance is so perfect, it’s wild. Her crying matches Reese Witherspoon’s crying from Legally Blonde, and her mannerisms are very deliberate. It’s hard to imagine better casting.

Lauren McNamara: She absolutely nailed the character. While she has those nuances of Reese Witherspoon’s Elle Woods, it isn’t overkill, and it doesn’t feel like she’s trying too hard.

RC: She really does feel like a younger version. It wouldn’t have worked without her.

LM: Thank god she’s done it justice!

RC: I also loved how it ties into the original films. I was a massive fan of Legally Blonde. I got it on DVD, and I watched it 11 times in a row. I was obsessed! The way they sprinkled in little crumbs of why things are the way they are in the Legally Blonde universe, like discovering why Bruiser is called Bruiser, that was really fun.

LM: In the first episode, the series opened in a similar way to the first movie as Elle gets ready, before the big celebration. There was also a moment where she eats chocolate in bed, and when Shannon says, Woods Comma Elle. It was done tastefully, with lots of references to the first film. I think it was done better than The Devil Wears Prada 2 managed to.

RC: They tried to do it as naturally as possible, and then even turned some personality traits into moments for laughs. She’s a vegetarian, right, and in Legally Blonde 2 it’s all about her fighting for animal rights. In Elle, it’s quite funny to see how she never has anything to eat in the cafeteria, it’s just a bun or some fries, because she’s veggie.

LM: It’s such a good nod to the second film. And perhaps the social justice Elle discovered in Seattle helps her become even more passionate for those sorts of causes.

The way they sprinkled in little crumbs of why things are the way they are in the Legally Blonde universe, like discovering why Bruiser is called Bruiser, that was really fun.

Rachel Choy

RC: Also, the fashion?! It was so good. All of Elle’s looks were perfection. When she turns up to the pool party in the bikini, it definitely felt like her turning up to the costume party in Legally Blonde in the bunny outfit, and she’s nervous for a bit. But in the end, she owns it. She learns to not care what other people think, and that is the core of Elle’s personality in Legally Blonde.

LM: Her warmth, her optimism and her genuine kindness to anyone is so well done. It helps set up who we know from the films. My only issue so far is with the show, is that in Legally Blonde, so much of the plot is based around Elle realising that looks aren’t everything. She goes through a huge transformation, and her world opens up. My gripe with her going through the same transformation in Elle is that if she had gone through this as a teenager, would she have gone through that transformation in college? It almost makes the film lose a bit of impact.

RC: It’s a really fun series, but if you’re a huge fan of the source material and you can’t separate it from that, Elle does poke a lot of holes in Legally Blonde. They wanted to recreate the first film and hit the same story beats, and they did that really well. It’s just, you’re left thinking: why would this have happened again? She goes through all this growth, all this learning, accepting different people, to end up with… Warner?! Please.

RC: And I have to talk about Elle kissing her friend’s ex-boyfriend. I have a big issue with that. That’s not Elle Woods! She’s so obsessed with girl code, she wouldn’t do it. And I know it’s for the sake of drama and to push the story along, but it’s the one thing that feels too big of a plot hole.

LM: That’s not our Elle Woods. She’s such a girl’s girl. She is the code for being a girl’s girl. That didn’t make much sense, but I can appreciate it’s for the plot and the drama.

RC: I wish that he had kissed her instead, and she pushed him away and said she couldn’t do it. So it still blows everything up, but it wasn’t her deliberately being like, cool they’ve broken up, I’m gonna kiss him. And then only feeling bad about it because her friend’s mum died.

LM: That really took me by surprise. It was quite jarring.

My gripe with her going through the same transformation in Elle is that if she had gone through this as a teenager, would she have gone through that transformation in college?

Lauren Mcnamara

RC: What did you think of all the music?

LM: I think the music is fantastic! I keep forgetting it’s set in the ’90s until we see a car phone come out or hear them talk about Bikini Kill and Nirvana. I’m struggling to remember that it’s set in the ’90s until I hear the musical references or the soundtrack.

RC: I wonder if it’s because of this cycle of fashion we’re in right now we all look like this. ’90s and Y2K is so big, it doesn’t feel different.

LM: Elle’s clothing also looks really modern for the ’90s.

RC: She was always elevated and ahead of her time!

LM: But I love the music, it’s fantastic.

RC: Every song I’m like, oh I love this song!

LM: Do you have a favorite?

RC: When they played Atomic Kitten! Also Walking On Broken Glass at the pool party, and the scene with Creep in the high school. Chef’s kiss. I do think the show is solid, and it ends on a cliffhanger. It was already renewed for Season 2, so Prime obviously has a lot of faith in it. If you can separate it from the movies and compartmentalise, it’s definitely very enjoyable.

LM: That’s something you have to do whenever we get these, these prequels or sequels, or anything of this nature. When there’s been so much time since the original material, I think you have to take it almost with a grain of salt to fully enjoy it and fully immerse yourself in it, because it can be so hard to do something like this and not have those plot holes.

RC: Exactly, and I will still watch Season 2.

LM: Me too!

This conversation has been condensed and edited for clarity.

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Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

This week: A copywriter working in tech who makes $158,600 per year and spends some of it on a very expensive locksmith visit.

This Money Diary was written in 2026.

If you’d like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we’re not able to reply to every email. Please note: We are legally unable to publish any diaries that have been written with the use of AI.

Interested in taking our latest Money Diaries survey? We’d love to hear your thoughts here.

Occupation: Copywriter
Industry: Tech
Age: 37
Location: San Jose, CA
Salary: $158,600
Joint Income/Financial Setup: I have a partner, L., with a base salary of $180,000. So combined, we make $338,600 + RSUs. (These numbers are all gross pay).
Assets: We just bought a home together!
Debt: $1 million (our mortgage).
Paycheck Amount (2x month): $3,364.28
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing Costs: $3,000 for my portion; $4,000 for my partner’s portion. We own and have no roommates.
Monthly mortgage payment: $6,352.85
HOA fees: $739
Cell phone bill: $171 (split with my brother)
GEICO car insurance: $76.36
Adobe portfolio: $9.99 (to host my copywriting portfolio)
Peacock subscription (yearly): $55.67

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, absolutely. There was no question that I would go to college to earn a bachelor’s degree. My parents are refugees from Vietnam, and they wanted us to have a better chance at life.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s) educate you about finances?
The primary conversations my parents had with me about money were about saving, not spending; about always getting discounts, always buying things on sale, or getting them for free. That was all I knew about money growing up. They didn’t educate me further on finances beyond that, and I don’t blame them; they were navigating America for the first time, too.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My very first job was scooping ice cream at Baskin-Robbins when I was 16. I think I just wanted to make my own money because I didn’t have a consistent allowance from my parents. If I wanted something, they would have to approve of it and get it for me, or I’d wait for them to get it for my birthday or Christmas.

Did you worry about money growing up?
Yes, absolutely. Some of my core memories around money are of my parents arguing over money or of them making me aware of their money troubles. My earliest memory of money was of them getting into a fight over $100 that my dad sent over to his relatives in Vietnam. So at a very early age, I learned that money was very scarce and valuable.

Do you worry about money now?
I do, but I’m trying to be better about it. It’s hard not to carry the values you grew up with into adulthood. I’ve talked to my therapist about this after buying the house, since it’s the most I’ve ever spent on my cost of living. I’m having a hard time knowing that I’m not saving as much money every month, on top of paying for the hidden expenses that come with a house. 

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I became financially responsible for myself when I turned 25 and moved out of my parents’ house into an in-law unit in San Francisco. Since my parents had provided things for me for so long, it made me realize that I took a lot of little things for granted, like sponges, soap, trash bags, and even toilet paper! Those things really add up.

I have a bit of a financial safety net for the future. My parents own their home and will split it between my siblings and me, but I won’t get that money unless we all decide to sell it after my parents pass away (and I have a feeling my brother will not want to sell it). 

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
No, but I have received a very big monetary gift of $10,000 before from my family.

Day One: Friday

9:00 a.m. — It’s Friday, and I’m working from home since I only have to work in the office once a week. I make coffee for myself and my partner, L., and read through some emails. I’ve always got a ton of notifications in the morning because most of my colleagues are in the UK, so they’ve been working since midnight my time. It’s a bit overwhelming to feel like I’m behind, but I remind myself that they know I’m in a different time zone, and it’s to be expected that my responses will come hours later.

5:30 p.m. — I’m feeling a bit hungry, so I decide to drive through Wendy’s to pick up some spicy chicken nuggets with ranch sauce. People are sleeping on these nuggets! $4.10

6 p.m. — I head to my figure skating lesson. It’s been a dream of mine since I was five years old to take figure skating lessons, but my parents didn’t have the money to pay for them when I was a kid. So, I began taking ice-skating lessons about a month ago at a local rink. I go twice a week, and the lessons come out to about $23 each (which I’ve already paid for at the beginning of the season). I’m really getting better at my backward crossovers, and I’m feeling my inner child heal! So I’d say this is priceless.

8 p.m. — I haven’t been dancing in a few months, so when I saw that a Britney Spears tribute band would be playing at a bar, I knew I had to go! Britney’s album was the first I EVER bought, and I never got to see her live because she canceled her tour one month before I was supposed to go see her during her residency. Who needs Britney Spears in Vegas when we have Britney at home? $52

9 p.m. — We’re at a bar, so of course we had to get a few drinks! My partner, L. paid ($30) because I paid for the tickets.

9:30 p.m. — We also got tacos right outside the bar. They were freaking delicious. Partner, L. paid ($20), and I had a bite.

Daily Total: $56.10

Day Two: Saturday

11 a.m. — I get up late because it’s a Saturday, and because I have no kids and no dogs to take care of. I’m feeling hungry from last night, so I pop right up and make tuna on toast for my partner, L. and me. I use two cans of Fishwife tuna, mix them with Kewpie mayo, and put them on some toasted sourdough bread. It is so simple, but so delicious. I also make L. a hot Americano using our espresso machine. 

3 p.m. — I’m out running errands (returning things and buying things), and I’m at Whole Foods. I also check to see if any of their prepared foods are 50% off, and just my luck! There is a tasty, curry chicken wrap for half off. I buy that and a bag of pita bread. $10.63

5 p.m. — My partner, L. decides to rent the moving truck today so we can bring more stuff to the new house tomorrow. Mind you, it is pouring rain, and we live on the third floor — no elevators or escalators! I agree to start moving (because I’m a ride-or-die chick), and we’ve got the truck. L. also buys a few more moving boxes, too. 

8 p.m. — We are famished after moving some boxes up and down in the rain. I pull out some frozen Persian kotlets (meat-and-potato patties) I made two weeks ago and fry them. We put them in the pita bread I bought earlier and douse them with ketchup. Again, such a simple dish, yet so delicious. 

Daily Total: $10.63

Day Three: Sunday

11 a.m. — I’m a big proponent of making breakfast at home. So this morning I steam and fry some frozen potstickers for L., and me. He eats them in bed while I eat mine at the counter.

2:30 p.m. — We meet L.’s family at our new house (after driving through some rain) and go out to a nearby pizza place. His cousin and uncle are in town, so they join us too. I use L.’s card to pay for the pizzas. 

6 p.m. — We haven’t moved into the place fully just yet, and have already run into some issues with the house! L. wants to change the locks on the door that have been there since the ’80s and install smart locks. He thought he could do it himself, and, well, long story short, we had to call a locksmith and do the job for two doors. It cost us $650, which L. paid for because I didn’t want these locks in the first place. 

9 p.m. — Finally, after the lock-ness nightmare, we pack our stuff and head back to where our bed still resides. We were not expecting to be at the new house this late, so we were both in a grouchy mood as we drive back. Once home, we immediately get ready for bed because it’s been quite the day; we’re exhausted and know we have work tomorrow. 

Daily Total: $0

Day Four: Monday

1 p.m. — As we’re packing, we realize we need even more boxes. So I go to U-Haul and buy more boxes. Since this is L.’s apartment that we’re packing up, I use his credit card to pay for it.

4 p.m. — There’s this soft-serve ice cream place near where I live, and they introduce limited-time flavors now and then. This week, they have two new flavors: Rolo and raspberry! I just had to go try them. So I go through their drive-through and get both flavors in a medium to bring home to eat. $8

6 p.m. — I have ice skating lessons again! This time, we’re learning how to do a three-turn on two feet, then one foot. It is very difficult not to fall. Some of my classmates ate ice. $23

7:30 p.m. — I’m trying to cook everything in the fridge and refrigerator, so I take some chicken breast and frozen vegetables and make a meal out of it. Pro tip: Turmeric elevates everything!

Daily Total: $31

Day Five: Tuesday

2:00 p.m. — I really don’t feel like working today. I’m feeling a bit lethargic and in need of a mid-day pick-me-up. So I decide to walk around the mall with boba tea in hand. I went through Macy’s to check out their couches and rugs; I didn’t see anything I liked. $8.15

3:00 p.m. — On my way home from the mall, I decide to get an In-N-Out burger because why not! The drive-through line was the shortest I’ve seen it. I get a double single with an extra toasted bun, extra lettuce, whole grilled onions, ketchup, and mustard. I wait to get home to reheat it because I like my food extra hot. $6.56

7 p.m. — It’s dinnertime again! And since we’ve packed away all our cooking utensils, we pop a CookUnity meal in the microwave and eat it for dinner. L. paid for these. They come out to about $11.88 for 16 meals, and these are the best subscription microwave meals I’ve tried! We’ve been using them for almost a year now during weeks we know we would be too busy to cook and go out to eat. 

Daily Total: $14.71

Day Six: Wednesday

10 a.m. — My thumb has been bothering me for about a month, so I finally decide to have a doctor look at it. She decides I need to get an X-ray and thinks it’s either a fracture or arthritis. Apparently, it’s very common for women my age to start getting arthritis! I’m hoping it’s nothing too serious. I pay the $15 copay. $15

1 p.m. — Before getting my X-rays, I wanted to make sure my insurance would cover them. I have this horror story of when I fractured my pinky, went into the ER, and I had a $4,000 bill that my insurance didn’t cover! It was enough for me to never want another X-ray. Thankfully, I was all cleared to get it with a $15 copay. I was surprised it only took about 20 minutes.

1:30 p.m. — After having a health scare, I certainly deserve a treat, don’t I? I go back to UME tea (same as the day before) because they’re doing a BOGO on their Mango Twilight drink. I drink one and save the other for L. $8.10

Daily Total: $23.10

Day Seven: Thursday

10 a.m. — It’s the morning, and I make L. a latte. I’m working on my latte art, and it’s not going well, but I’m going to keep trying. I make a hot white chocolate matcha latte for myself and start looking at work emails.

12 p.m. — It’s lunchtime, and I don’t really want to eat another CookUnity meal or the chicken meal I made, so I decide to get some banh mi. I buy two: cold cut and BBQ pork. I’ve never tried this place before, so I’m excited to see how their banh mis taste. I really want to get one of the many milk tea options they have, too, but I remind myself that I’ve already treated myself with boba twice this week. $22.33

2 p.m. — It’s my turn to pay for the CookUnity meals, so I choose our meals for next week, and the charge processes. I usually cook, but since we are moving, I won’t have time to — after all, all of our stuff is in boxes. I opt for the 16-meal plan because it’s the best deal at $11.88 per meal. Did I mention that these meals are so good in a pinch? (Not sponsored) $190.08

6 p.m. — My friend, B. texts me about the move, and I’m reminded I still owe her my share of the Peacock subscription (no ads). It’s split between three people, so my portion is $55.67 for the year. $55.67

Daily Total: $268.08

The Breakdown

Conclusion:
I’m realizing how much I’m spending on treating myself, especially on sweet treats. But, I think it’s worth it to get me through the workday and the workweek.

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“Ginger! Small! Spotty!” 

The older kids lined up to label the fresh meat on the first day of high school, announcing a reductive name for each as they went. I’ll let you guess which of those descriptors was intended for me. Before that moment, I hadn’t given much thought to my breakouts, which first appeared as a couple of whiteheads on my chin. Soon, though, as Mother Nature handed me and my peers our body hair and periods, she also gave me full-blown acne. 

It wasn’t long before acne started taking a mental toll on me. The majority of my friends ate chocolate and fries on a daily basis without giving a single thought to their skin the following morning, but knowing the repercussions, junk food made me anxious. Midnight snacking at sleepovers was the most stressful of all; the sugar and grease seemed to culminate in a flare-up I’d pay for in red bumps for days to come. 

Others could sleep in their eyeliner or spend their allowance on cheap makeup, and their skin would remain unchanged. My beauty routine looked very different. I made a beeline for the most clinical products the drugstore had to offer, placing all of my trust in stripping ingredients, like witch hazel and high-strength acids. They did nothing, but I still held out hope. When skincare failed me, I thrust myself into a grunge phase. I cut a fringe to hide more spots and packed on thick makeup, using full-coverage foundation and vampy lipstick in a bid to draw the attention away from my skin. Makeup kept me in the loop with most of my friends, but it never felt like fun. Instead, it was more of a necessity, as were concealing filters on apps like Retrica, FaceTune, and Photo Wonder.

Having acne allowed me to carve out a specific identity. I was the person with an IDGAF appearance and an attitude to match. Acne was my entire personality, until one day, it wasn’t.

Eventually, I was prescribed medication by my doctor, namely mammoth pills of lymecycline: an antibiotic often used to treat acne. When that didn’t work, I was recommended the combined oral contraceptive pill, considered to be a good treatment for acne by dermatologists. Over time, my acne all but disappeared save for some hyperpigmentation — the ghosts of spots past. 

The confidence I gained in the years since leaving school was unparalleled. Stripping down the heavy makeup felt like finally affording my face the freedom it craved, but soon enough the paranoia started to set in. Though I was spot-free for the first time in years, I continued the skin habits I developed when my acne was at its worst. I closely analyzed every inch of skin in the mirror for the beginnings of a breakout, hoping to catch one before it had the chance to grow. Having gotten a taste of life with clearer skin, I felt like any presence of a zit would ruin my week. 

Initially, I believed I was afraid of the breakouts themselves: sore, red, and angry. But now, in my 20s, I’ve realized that what I actually feared was the low self-esteem that always seemed to follow — and I’m not alone. Acne is the most common skin condition in the United States. Studies have found that acne can diminish confidence, and plenty of research has linked acne to low self-esteem, depression, and body dysmorphic disorder in young people.

We’ve come a long way in dismantling outdated beauty standards surrounding skin. The skin positivity movement, for example, celebrates skin texture and calls the abundance of airbrushed faces into question. On TikTok, the hashtag #skinpositivity has millions of views. There, you’ll spot influencers and beauty enthusiasts embracing their pimples, scars, and hyperpigmentation. As a result, we know what real skin — in all its uneven, textured glory — actually looks like up close. But I still compare my face to others; the people without dark marks or scars that give away their past. I’ve started to feel different, too. Having acne allowed me to carve out a specific identity. I was the person with an IDGAF appearance and an attitude to match. Acne was my entire personality, until one day, it wasn’t. 

Don’t get me wrong: Skin journeys are never linear, and I continue to have flare-ups from time to time, but when my skin is clear, I find myself carrying that same lack of confidence around with me. In all honesty, I often struggle to recognize myself in the body I’m currently in, perhaps because I’m treated differently. Now, I find myself being acknowledged in new ways, all mainly positive. It suddenly dawned on me that I am benefiting from “clear skin privilege”, whereby a person possesses advantages thanks to the condition of their skin. Those with acne scarring, for instance, are often perceived negatively in society. Similarly, a 2022 survey by skincare brand Skin B5 found that 41% of Gen Z believe acne makes you look less professional, and 46% of those with acne reported feeling judged at work. 

Given the abundance of acne treatments I tried throughout the years, I find it difficult to align myself with those who haven’t experienced the physical and mental effects of acne, not to mention the lingering scars — again both literally and figuratively. But after years of negative comments about my skin, any compliments I have received since have felt bizarre, borderline ridiculous. Even now, I don’t think I deserve them. 

As isolating as it may seem, this is a common feeling. In fact, TikTokers have coined it “post-‘glow up’ imposter syndrome.” Recently, young women have taken to the app to discuss the idea of going from feeling unattractive in school to being told they are conventionally pretty, or that their appearance is now acceptable. Just like me, they’ve found themselves in something of an identity crisis. “Then they say you’re fishing for compliments,” observes one TikToker in the comments section underneath a viral video explaining the concept, “but u just can’t see yourself that way.” Another wrote: “I’ve never related to anything more. My bf always gets mad at me cus I never believe what he believes. I still see my seventh grade self.”

Though this may sound like a nice problem to have, it’s far from a humblebrag. If anything, I feel this way because I know firsthand just how debilitating having acne — and the anxiety that stems from it — can be. For years, acne was such a big part of my life. It shaped my character and relationships, but I’m not the only one to question who I am without it. Refinery29’s beauty director Jacqueline Kilikita first experienced hormonal acne at the age of 11. Her breakouts worsened around the same time she was diagnosed with Polyendocrine Metabolic Ovarian Syndrome (PMOS). When she became a beauty editor, Kilikita suddenly had access to dermatologists, who suggested prescription skincare like tretinoin and medication such as the diuretic drug spironolactone.

After years of negative comments about my skin, any compliments I have received since have felt bizarre, borderline ridiculous. Even now, I don’t think I deserve them. 

Now in her 30s, Kilikita’s hormonal condition and skin is mostly under control. However, the change has been an emotional rollercoaster, one she didn’t expect: “Every morning, I wake up and pass my hands over my face, feeling for new spots, and each time I’m confused that there aren’t any,” says Kilikita. “I spent years painstakingly treating under-the-skin spots, whiteheads, and blackheads, and often crying myself to sleep over my skin. Society tells me I should be happier now that my acne is under control, especially considering our fixation with ‘flawless’ skin. I became the loud, confident girl at school in a bid to mask my insecurities. But when you’ve based your whole personality around your acne, and it suddenly disappears, so too does a part of you. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize my face. It’s perplexing.” 

Consultant dermatologist Dr. Anjali Mahto also has acne, so she understands how a skin condition like this can impact your mental health over time — even when it is no longer there. “What people seem to forget is that acne isn’t actually a cosmetic condition; it’s a medical one,” Dr. Mahto tells me. For this reason, Dr. Mahto’s clinic, Self London, has clinical  psychologist Dr. Eleanor Chatburn on hand to speak to patients about the emotional effect that acne may have on them throughout their treatment process, whether they’re at the very start or nearing the end. 

Dr. Chatburn has recognized my struggle in plenty of her patients, with many experiencing the same post-acne anxiety I have. Some experts refer to it as acne dysmorphia, a form of body dysmorphia whereby people become preoccupied with an imaginary physical issue. While Dr. Chatburn doesn’t like to use this term herself, as she feels it can give people the impression they have body dysmorphic disorder — a serious mental health condition — when this may not be the case, she tells me that sensitivity can linger on the skin long after being healed.  

Even though many of Dr. Chatburn’s patients no longer have acne, the diminished self-worth they encountered as a result can be hard to shake. “It’s difficult to make the shift from disliking your appearance to loving it in an instant,” Dr. Chatburn told me. We concluded that it’s no surprise given the spotlight social media shines on clear, often filtered skin that so many continue to search for issues, even once our acne is treated effectively. Dr. Chatburn tells me that we have trained our systems to “zone in on minor flaws” and that it’s ingrained in us to find something to fix. Perhaps this is why the “skin neutrality” movement — which encourages us to focus less on faults in our complexions, and to be at peace with our skin — is slowly but surely usurping skin positivity, the latter of which places pressure on individuals to love and celebrate the skin they’re in. 

Friends and family can’t help but point out that my skin is the clearest it’s been in years, but it’ll be a long time before I can acknowledge that myself. Acne always made me feel like the “worst” one in the room. But for all that acne has taken away from me, it has added plenty to my life as well. In fact, it has even helped me become a better person: I have empathy and compassion, especially when it comes to other people’s skin struggles. Then there’s my endless knowledge of ingredients, which has saved plenty of friends from investing in useless skin-care products. That said, getting to know who I am without my acne is a work in progress. Rather than comparing my skin to last year’s, or an Instagram influencer whose skin has been subtly filtered, I’m trying hard to love the real skin I’m in today.

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