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After a whirlwind year of popular projects like I Love LA and Marty Supreme, viral red-carpet looks, winning the Cannes Film Festival “Female Revelation of the Year” award, and bring featured in music videos for the Rolling Stones and Madonna, actress Odessa A’zion is the moment. And while we may have to wait to enjoy her upcoming film Fonda, we can celebrate her artistry right now, because she just launched a campaign with Crocs, the shoe brand we unapologetically love. And she spoke to Refinery29 about it.
Tied to Crocs’ Wonderfully Unordinary campaign, which “celebrates a new generation of rule-breakers and risk-takers,” according to the brand, it only made sense that Crocs collaborated with style rule-breaker A’zion. “No one does individuality quite like Odessa — her style is cool, quirky, and completely her own, making her a natural fit for Crocs’ next chapter in self-expression,” Crocs said. (And if you’re wondering what makes her so wonderfully unordinary, we agreed that we’re both extroverted introverts with lots of contradictions.)
“I feel great about [the partnership]. I’ve loved them forever. I’ve had Crocs since I was a kid. And I still have my Crocs from elementary school,” A’Zion tells Refinery29. “I was so excited when I found out about this. Little me inside was excited.”
This partnership comes after many It girls like Paris Hilton, Saweetie, and Lola Tung have starred in recent Crocs campaigns. Now A’zion is the face, specifically for the brand’s Crafted Vegan Suede Stitch Clog. A reinterpretation of the popular Classic Crafted Clog, this iteration features a plush faux suede upper, detailed stitching, and a heel pillow for extra comfort. Truly, clogs are so back.
“I think Crocs work with everything, especially this clog because it’s smooth and really pretty too. It’s just an easy shoe. I’ve got an inside pair and an outside pair,” A’zion shares.
A’zion loves Crocs and puts an emphasis on being comfortable in every scenario, so it’s fitting that she actually styled herself for the campaign. The actress is best known, though, for styling herself for red-carpet appearances.
“I’ve definitely learned a lot along the way where I’ve found out stylists’ secrets and warehouses they go to to rent or to get a good word in from a different stylist,” A’zion shares, adding: “So, I get why styling is a full job. It’s a lot of work, even to do it just for myself. I have a lot of respect for stylists.” (She also revealed that she’d like to have a clothing line one day that uses recycled fabrics.)
The actress has even credited her fictional character Tallulah Steele from I Love LA as her styling alter ego, like for her Met Gala debut.
“I definitely think whenever I’m wearing something a little more scandalous, I’m just trying to channel Tallulah Steele because I never thought in my life I would ever wear anything like that, even a year ago,” A’zion explains. “And then I’m shooting I Love LA and all of a sudden I’m super out of my comfort zone. On carpets, I try to calm my nerves by saying: ‘Okay, this is not Odessa. This is just whoever Tallulah is.’”
Speaking on the character’s chaotically iconic personality and style, she gave a sneak peek for the style evolution in the upcoming second season. “We just did the first fitting, and I’ve learned a lot about archival pieces and designers in the last year. There’s definitely some of that in it. And I think that her style has definitely evolved, which makes me wonder if in the show she has a stylist or not. But I’m excited to see what happens,” she says.
And while she couldn’t reveal much about her character’s style in psychological thriller Fonda, which she just finished shooting, A’zion says: “Once you’re in the wardrobe, the character just comes more to life. When I’m playing Tallulah and I’m wearing little shorts and dresses and skirts, I feel more like that girl. And when I’m playing someone who I played in Fonda, it’s just a completely different style and it brings out a completely different person.”
Even more intriguing, when asked which of her characters from Marty Supreme, I Love LA, or Fonda she thinks would be most likely to wear Crocs, she quickly declared: “Fonda for sure.” And that the classic clogs would be her pick.
We agreed that while Crocs didn’t exist during Marty Supreme’s time period, with her character Rachel’s pet shop job and pregnancy, she could have worn them. “She’s got a lot to carry emotionally and physically. I think she would love Crocs if they existed back then.”
“Tallulah, I think, would love the high heel Crocs and maybe Crocs flip flops,” she also explains, agreeing that she’d have the coolest Jibbitz.
In case you were looking for a reminder that the summer is moving faster than The Bear’s Carmy dicing onions, the 2026 Emmy Nominations are already here. The ceremony — hosted for the first time by Law & Order: SVU star Mariska Hargitay — will be live on Monday, September 14th, on NBC and today, the list of TV shows and stars acknowledged by the Television Academy caused the usual commotion: excitement over returning Emmy favorites (Hacks, The Pitt, Abbott Elementary), shock and awe over the surprise noms (Chase Infiniti! Riz Ahmed! Subway Takes!), and the inevitable frustration over supposed snubs (Industry, Stranger Things, Paul Anthony Kelly for Love Story, Cailee Spaeny for Beef, I could go one).
As always, Emmy nomination morning isn’t just about celebrating television, it’s about instantly becoming convinced the Television Academy has either impeccable taste or has never watched TV before, with absolutely no middle ground. Every year brings a fresh batch of “finally!” moments, a handful of “sure, I guess,” picks, and at least one nomination that sends everyone sprinting to Google. This year’s ballot asks some genuinely pressing questions: Will Hacks’ final season cement it as an unstoppable comedy dynasty? Will The Pitt‘s dominance last through voting season, or has the backlash already begun? How exactly did Connor Storrie pull off one of the morning’s biggest surprise nominations? And perhaps most importantly, which snub will become the internet’s entire personality for the next 48 hours?
So before we all become armchair Television Academy voters for the next two months, here are the biggest questions hanging over this year’s race.
Who Are The Frontrunners?
Can anything actually stop The Pitt? Do we want it to? HBO’s breakout medical drama dominated this year’s Emmy nominations, cementing itself as the awards juggernaut everyone predicted when Noah Wyle first put on those scrubs… again. But Emmy voters have a habit of falling in love hard, and then moving on just as quickly. Is The Pitt genuinely unstoppable, or are we about to witness the annual backlash that inevitably follows peak TV obsession? I’m still mad at team behind The Pitt for doing my girl Dr. Samira Mohan (Supriya Ganesh) so dirty last season and announcing that she would not be returning to the series. But, I digress. The series garnered 25 nominations in total, including noms for Wyle, co-stars Taylor Dearden, Fiona Dourif, Fiona Dourif, Sepideh Moafi, Patrick Ball, Shawn Hatosy, Gerran Howell, and guest stars Brittany Allen (who submitted herself), Tal Anderson, Tina Ivlev, and Ernest Harden Jr. (Louie!!)
Moafi (The Pitt’s Dr. Al-Hashimi) became the first Iranian woman and woman from the Middle East to be recognized in the supporting actress in a drama series category. I love The Pitt but when one show monopolizes the nominations like this, it’s hard not to wish the love was spread around a bit more. And it brings up questions like why Isa Briones was left off the ballot when so many of her co-stars weren’t?
On the comedy side, Hacks somehow keeps finding another gear. For its final season, the reigning champion garnered 24 noms (a record for a comedy series for noms in a single year) making it the rare series that is both critically beloved and broadly embraced by the Academy, and this year’s haul only reinforces Jean Smart’s seemingly permanent residence in the Best Comedy Actress winner’s circle. My prediction is that Smart will do it again. And she deserves! The ending of Hacks was perfect. In the Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series category, Smart’s co-star Hannah Einbinder is nominated again, and I’m hoping for another win because her 2025 speech (“Go Birds, Fuck Ice, and Free Palestine”) is one of my all-time fave Emmy Speeches. However, I think the frontrunner in that category is Kate O’Flynn as Patricia in Widow’s Bay.
Widow’s Bay leads the noms for new shows with 19 and I think a combination of recency bias (the show’s Season 1 finale aired just last month) and the fact that it’s one of the most original and best TV shows of the past decade (Matthew Rhys hive, we up!) makes it a clear frontrunner come September.
Does Your Fave Have A Shot At Winning?
Some nominations just feel right. Abbott Elementary continues its remarkably consistent Emmy run, reminding us that network TV isn’t dead if you’re funny enough. It’s one of my personal favorite shows on TV but I think the chances of Abbott taking home any hardware this year are slim (Janelle James has the best shot in the supporting comedy actress category).
Riz Ahmed popping up on the ballot for Bait is exactly the kind of “oh, good for him!” surprise that makes nomination morning worth refreshing social media for. And Subway Takes getting recognized is a beautiful reminder that the Emmys occasionally remember the internet exists. That said, I don’t think either will win their respective categories.
Everyone’s fave it girl, Zendaya, garnered another Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series Emmy nom (she’s won twice) for playing Rue Bennett for the last time in Euphoria. Again, I don’t think this is her year to win it. This one probably belongs to Pluribus’ Rhea Seehorn though my vote would go to Carrie Coon as Bertha Russell in The Gilded Age or Chase Infiniti’s stunning work as Agnes in The Testaments.
I also loved seeing Yahya Abdul Mateen II’s name show up for Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series for Wonderman but if I had to wager, that category belongs to Rhys.
Then there’s Connor Storrie, whose nomination immediately launched a thousand group chats asking the same thing: “Wait… Connor Storrie got nominated?” That’s not a criticism — it’s been widely reported that Heated Rivalry is not eligible for Emmys since it’s an entirely Canadian production but Storrie got nominated for his hosting gig on Saturday Night Live. The Emmys knows what comes with getting some like Storrie to their event. He’s the it-boy of the moment, who is also a wonderful actor and was great on SNL, but let’s not pretend like this wasn’t some kind of make-up nom since they couldn’t give him one for Heated Rivalry. Well, however it happened, I’m excited for Storrie. He’s at the beginning of his career and I can’t wait to watch him rise (more of this energy for Hudson Williams too, please!). His name on the ballot is the kind of wonderfully left-field acting nomination that makes awards season fun.
Finally, Who Did Emmy Voters Forget?
Of course, no Emmy nominations are complete without the annual crashouts that come when the show you swear deserved a nom is left off the ballot. Industry remains one of the Television Academy’s most confounding blind spots. The voting body just must not be watching because Myha’la as Harper Stern deserves! Stranger Things‘ absence feels like the end of an era, even if its eligibility and release schedule have complicated its awards prospects in recent years. Cailee Spaeny missing for Beef stings, while Paul Anthony Kelly’s omission for Love Story isn’t exactly unexpected (critics widely called him out as the show’s weakest link but I liked his performance as JFK Jr.) but he was hitting the “for your consideration” circuit hard so I’m sure he’s feeling a bit disappointed today.
There are some snubs that inspire the kind of deeply specific grievance that awards obsessives will be litigating until voting closes but this year, I don’t think there’s a clear one. Most outlets are pointing out that none of Taylor Sheridan’s shows got noms but those are all just soap operas for boys so I don’t know why anyone thinks they deserve the prestige of Emmys. In that case, Kerry Washington should be there for Imperfect Women, a messy ass show that only worked because of Washington and Elisabeth Moss.
Other snubs: despite winning a Golden Globe for her role in CBS’ Matlock, Kathy Bates was notably missing from the Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series category, Sydney Sweeney wasn’t nominated for Euphoria (correct, in my opinion), and usual Emmy darlings Selena Gomez and Steve Martin were absent from the comedy categories for Only Murders In The Building.
As always, I would love The Emmys to diversify their TV viewing experience from the same old shows and maybe watch Survival Of The Thickest (Michelle Buteau should have all the comedy awards!). I would have also loved to see Tessa Thompson in there for His & Hers or Keke Palmer for The Burbs, but overall, I’m not mad at these nominations.
Wait — Is The Bear A Comedy?
I’m kidding. This question has never really interested me, but it’s (almost) the last time people will be able to gripe over whether The Bear is committing category fraud (who cares?) so I had to poke the bear (I’ll be here all week!). Let’s just revel in the sweet gesture the Academy made by nominating the late Rob Reiner for his guest appearance on the series’ penultimate season and keep it moving.
Below, find the complete list of the 2026 Emmy nominees.
Outstanding Drama Series
“The Diplomat”
“The Gilded Age”
“A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”
“Paradise”
“The Pitt”
“Slow Horses”
Your Friends & Neighbors
Outstanding Comedy Series
Abbott Elementary.
The Bear.
Hacks.
Margo’s Got Money Troubles.
Nobody Wants This.
Only Murders in the Building.
Shrinking.
Widow’s Bay.
Outstanding limited or anthology series
All Her Fault.
The Beast in Me.
Beef.
DTF St. Louis.
Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette.
OutstandingLead Actor, Drama
Sterling K. Brown, Paradise.
Gary Oldman, Slow Horses.
Mark Ruffalo, Task.
Rufus Sewell, The Diplomat.
Noah Wyle, The Pitt.
Outstanding Lead Actress, Drama
Keri Russell, The Diplomat.
Rhea Seehorn, Pluribus.
Zendaya, Euphoria.
Chase Infiniti, The Testaments.
Carrie Coon, The Guilded Age.
Outstanding Lead Actor, Comedy
Steve Carell, Rooster.
Matthew Rhys, Widow’s Bay.
Jason Segal, Shrinking.
Martin Short, Only Murders in the Building.
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Wonderman.
Outstanding Lead Actress, Comedy
Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary.
Elle Fanning, Margo’s Got Money Troubles.
Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback.
Jean Smart, Hacks.
Ayo Edebiri, The Bear.
OutstandingSupporting Actress, Drama
Taylor Dearden, The Pitt.
Fiona Dourif, The Pitt.
Allison Janney, The Diplomat.
Katherine LaNasa, The Pitt.
Sepideh Moafi, The Pitt.
Julianne Nicholson, Paradise.
Karolina Wydra, Pluribus.
Outstanding Supporting Actor, Comedy
Colman Domingo, The Four Seasons.
Paul W. Downs, Hacks.
Harrison Ford, Shrinking.
Nick Offerman, Margo’s Got Money Troubles.
Stephen Root, Widow’s Bay.
Micheal Urie, Shrinking.
Tyler James Williams, Abbott Elementary.
Outstanding Supporting Actress, Comedy
Dale Dickey, Widow’s Bay.
Hannah Einbinder, Hacks.
Janelle James, Abbott Elementary.
Kate O’Flynn, Widow’s Bay.
Michelle Pfeiffer, Margo’s Got Money Troubles.
Megan Stalter, Hacks.
Jessica Williams, Shrinking.
Outstanding Lead actor, limited series, anthology or movie
Charlie Hunnam, Monster: The Ed Gein Story.
Oscar Isaac, Beef.
Matthew Rhys, The Beast in Me.
Jason Bateman, Black Rabbit.
Riz Ahmed, Bait.
Outstanding Lead actress, limited series, anthology or movie
Claire Danes, The Beast in Me.
Carey Mulligan, Beef.
Sarah Pidgeon, Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette.
Sarah Snook, All Her Fault.
Sally Field, Remarkably Bright Creatures.
OutstandingSupporting actor, limited series, anthology or movie
Jason Bateman, DTF St. Louis.
Richard Gadd, Half Man.
David Harbour, DTF St. Louis.
Richard Jenkins, DTF St. Louis.
Charles Melton, Beef.
Nick Offerman, Death by Lightning.
OutstandingSupporting actress, limited series, anthology or movie
Linda Cardellini, DTF St. Louis.
Dakota Fanning, All Her Fault.
Laurie Metcalf, Monster: The Ed Gein Story.
Joy Sunday, DTF, St. Louis.
Youn Yuh-jung, Beef.
Constance Zimmer, Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bissette.
OutstandingGuest actor, drama
Colman Domingo, Euphoria.
Ernest Harden, Jr., The Pitt.
Jeff Hiller, Pluribus.
Jeff Kober, The Pitt.
Jonathan Pryce, Slow Horses.
Bradley Whitford, The Diplomat.
OutstandingGuest actress, drama
Brittany Allen, The Pitt.
Tal Anderson, The Pitt.
Tina Ivlev, The Pitt.
Miriam Shor, Pluribus.
Merritt Wever, The Gilded Age.
Shailene Woodley, Paradise.
OutstandingGuest actor, comedy
Michael J. Fox, Shrinking.
Brett Goldstein, Shrinking.
Hamish Linklater, Widow’s Bay.
Christopher McDonald, Hacks.
Rob Reiner, The Bear.
Connor Storrie, Saturday Night Live.
OutstandingGuest actress, comedy
Leslie Bibb, Hacks.
Jamie Lee Curtis, The Bear.
Betty Gilpin, Widow’s Bay.
Cherry Jones, Hacks.
Laurie Metcalf, Hacks.
Kaitlin Olson, Hacks.
Lauren Weedman, Hacks.
Outstanding variety series
The Daily Show.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
Saturday Night Live.
Outstanding reality competition program
Dancing with the Stars.
RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Survivor.
Top Chef.
The Traitors.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
In the words of a great philosopher: Everybody ate at the 2026 ESSENCE Festival of Culture. Every year, New Orleans becomes the epicenter of Black joy, culture, and—most importantly—unparalleled fashion during the three-day celebration. Stepping onto the convention center’s pink carpet isn’t just about making an appearance. It’s a masterclass in personal storytelling through style.
From high-fashion texture play to unapologetic nods to nostalgic aesthetics, attendees brought their absolute best sartorial energy. We saw a stunning resurgence of vibrant color palettes, intricate crochet, and dramatic silhouettes that commanded attention across the room. Street style at ESSENCE is never about following trends. It’s about setting them, redefining luxury on our own terms, and celebrating the skin we’re in. Ahead, we’ve rounded up the standout fashion moments that absolutely shut it down this year.
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The High-Impact Maxi
Every summer wardrobe should have at least one maxi dress in it. You’ll earn bonus points if it has a head-turning print on it like this attention-grabbing option.
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The Wear-Everywhere Coverup
No longer just reserved for the beach, the sarong is now a 24/7 essential for those wanting to make a statement this summer. Go all out with fringe and a dopamine-inducing color.
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The Fringe Affair
When in doubt, fringe it out. The playful tassels always make a beautiful statement. Plus, a decked-out fringe dress pairs well with heels or flats.
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The Chartreuse Charm
If you’re looking for unique ways to add a bit of color to your summer wardrobe, chartreuse is the universally flattering hue to test. Add an unexpected touch with an animal print accessory.
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The Cool Crochet
Don’t hold back this summer. Get crafty with a crochet jumpsuit and a coordinating hat. Bring out the bold colors with a platform red sandal that’s comfortable and cute.
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The Ruffled Radiance
There is something so joyful about ruffles. Pair them with a vibrant yellow hue and the look instantly embodies the spirit of summer.
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The Out-Of-Office Look
Tropical flowers are practically synonymous with summer. This mid-length dress looks great on its own, but feels even cooler paired with white ruched pants and brown mules.
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The Abstract Magic
Lean into the imperfectly perfect beauty of an abstract print. Here, it’s incorporated on a maxi dress and paired with oversized aviator glasses for an elegantly cool look.
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The Playful Prints
Animal prints are having quite the moment. This artistic take is the versatile piece to add to your wardrobe, especially since it looks great with tailored shorts, jeans, or a skirt.
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The Drama-Filled Blouse
Bring on the drama with a voluminous blouse that comes with a long train. Your denim shorts will receive an instant upgrade when styled with a statement-maker like that.
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The ’90s Nostalgia
There is nothing cooler than ’90s minimalism. It’s the silhouettes and unexpected accessories that made those seemingly simple outfits feel timeless yet cool.
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The Mighty Mini
A micro mini will stylishly carry you through scorching summer days. And if you’re looking for comfortable heels to wear it with, you can never go wrong with platform sandals.
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The Supreme Cream
Keep it neutral and chic with creamy separates that come with extra texture. A great bag and gold accent sandals will bring the entire look together.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Dating is hard. Like, really hard. The apps have suffocated us with an endless amount of options and the paradox of choice, and it feels like more and more people these days are giving up on finding love (at least, online). And while that may be the vibe, it’s not necessarily the majority of young people’s experiences. Dating apps are exhausting, but there’s still a way to meet your prospective match: in the wild.
According to the Pew Research Center, just 12% of partnered American adults met each other online (21% of those ages 18 to 29) with the rest meeting through friends and family, at work, at school, at a bar or restaurant, or anywhere in the world, really. There’s definitely hope out there for those who are apps-averse, and if you’re looking for some inspiration (or just a sign that you’re on the right track) then look no further. Here, five readers dive into exactly how they met their partners in the wild.
This article was originally published in August 2023 and has since been updated. Rachel, 27, she/her, New York
Rachel and her partner have been together for over three years, and they met at one of the OG spots for love — the workplace. She tells Refinery29 that she had never seen him before at their place of work, so she went up and introduced herself during a work happy hour. “I found out we had a ton in common like music, playing tennis, and traveling. Once I knew where he sat in the office, I would go over to his desk and we would taste test various Trader Joe’s snacks together every week. I was not shy to call him my work crush to my friends and even coworkers,” she says. “Eventually he asked me on a date, which happened to be March 15, 2020. We sat in the park and drank wine and after a few months of FaceTiming we made it official. We both ended up quitting that job and ‘came out’ as a couple to our coworkers a few months later.”
Some of her favorite things about him are that he’s “calm, cool, collected.” “He was really good at his job and had this sort of quiet confidence that initially attracted me to him,” she says. “People seemed to gravitate towards him and it made me intrigued. He’s thoughtful, so patient, an amazing cook, and has a super cute Frenchie which is a great added bonus.” The pair are moving in together soon, and Rachel says she’s sure it will be the classic engagement-marriage-house pipeline. “He’s 36, I’m 27, but he hasn’t put any pressure on me to speed things along which is great,” she says.Hilary, 31, she/they, Northeast US
Hilary first met their partner in person — but it wasn’t an accident, technically. “I was introduced by a friend and set up on what was, essentially, a blind date!” Hilary says. “My partner is a creative — they make LGBTQ+ content for kids and family and have the biggest heart. Their main mission in life is to make life easier for queer and trans kids today than it was for us when we were growing up and realizing our gender and sexuality in the early aughts and 2010s.”
Hilary says she was drawn to her partner because “they are funny and sweet and know exactly how to stop my brain mid-spiral and create peaceful, easy silence for me." In fact, their first dance at their wedding was to "Easy Silence" by the Chicks, "which perfectly explains our relationship and who they are for me and for many others.” They’ve been together for six years and have been married for two. “We have two dogs, Georgie and Charlie, and our life is pretty sweet. Just lots of good food, dog walks, queer shows and movies, and cuddling in on cold New England winter nights,” Hilary says. “It sounds pretty saccharine, but whatever. It's great.”Meghan, 28, she/her, California
Meghan had just arrived back after traveling Europe on a solo trip, and had a friend convince her to stay in Los Angeles after she was planning to move to Amsterdam. “I was settling back in, and went to get my hair done up in the valley," she says. She had a spur of the moment inkling to head to a bar down the block after her appointment. “I walked into a local's spot and sat myself down at the bar, ordered a salad and a margarita, and promised myself not to touch my phone while I was there so I could stay open and get into the mode of being receptive if any conversations arose,” she says. “Barely 20 minutes after arriving, I had an older man decked out in silver jewelry approach me and say, ‘I absolutely love your hair!’ I replied and thanked him to which he said, ‘I'm married by the way, I'm not hitting on you, just thought you should know that you look stunning,’ and I thanked him.”
Meghan ended up hanging out with the gentleman’s friends for the night. “I fully expected other men in their early 60s to be sitting, waiting for me to turn around, but to my pleasant surprise I found a mixed bag of people, some coupled up, some single men, and all within the age range of 35-45,” she says. Her current partner of around eight months was in the group. “We talked for almost four hours that first night we met, and we've been together ever since,” she says.
She describes her partner as “one of the kindest, most patient, growth-centric, full-of-facts, curious, loving, intelligent human beings I have ever met, and I feel so deeply inspired and lucky every day in our partnership. He is my rock, and allows me the safe space to fly each and every day with support and encouragement, and without constraint or jealousy. Truly the healthiest and most balanced and loving dynamic I've ever been in.”
As far as their future, Meghan says they love to travel and have already taken five trips together in the eight months they’ve known one another. “We hope to have a home outside of the U.S. together someday, but for now we are learning, exploring new hobbies and interests, and working towards the beautiful future we've discussed where we explore the world, our own potential, and a union together (marriage most likely within the next couple of years, if not sooner),” she says. “Honestly though, he's the only partner I've had that didn't make me feel like I needed to rush towards something, because the right here and now is pretty great.”Bridgette, 26, she/her, New York
You know how the Rihanna song goes, we found love in a hopeless place? Well, Bridgette identifies with the lyric — she found love on a New York City sidewalk. “I was getting pizza late one night with friends after a concert and a guy walked by on the sidewalk wearing funky yellow disco shades,” she says. “I said, ‘I like your glasses,’ and he stopped to chat me up, we hit it off, and have been talking ever since.”
The pair casually dated for over a year but have now been an exclusive couple for over five months. “I love his brain and the way he processes things, how silly he is, and how he’s always up for anything,” she says. “The best parts are that we’ve sat on my couch for over five hours straight just talking and laughing and it feels like five minutes.” Maya, 25, she/her, Washington, D.C.
Maya met her boyfriend volunteering to knock on doors for a state legislature candidate in Virginia. “Our friend who had organized the canvass asked if the two of us wanted to go together and divide up one turf. He immediately said no and that he would take his own,” she says. “We connected over drinks with other volunteers after the canvass was done, but didn’t start seeing each other until a few months later when we were with mutual friends at a bar and he asked me out.” They’ve been together for two years.
“Since the start of our relationship he’s always been very vulnerable and honest with me and doesn’t hide what he’s feeling. He’s also incredibly thoughtful and plans very romantic dates, trips with full itineraries, and surprises,” she says. “He’s put his full effort into our relationship from the beginning.”
As far as what the future looks like, though, Maya isn’t so sure. “We’ve been living together for the past six months but we’re also looking at a year or two of long distance. We’re both planning on going back to school, and his job takes him a lot of different places,” she says. “I think the next few years will be challenging but we have a solid foundation and are both committed to making it work.”
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Growing out my nails has never been my strong suit. Until recently, I could barely make it a few weeks before breaking one while doing something as untaxing as zipping up my jeans, let alone facing every nail’s nemesis: the ring pull on a can of Coke.
To give them a fighting chance, I’d take skin, hair, and nail supplements like they were going out of fashion, wear gloves while carrying out even the smallest of chores, and refrain from using my nails as tools to open my mail (we all do it). Frustratingly, none of those things worked. What I needed was some expert guidance.
Over the past year, I’ve collected tips and tricks from nail technicians, dermatologists, and even TikTok’s manicure obsessives. But I won’t gatekeep. These are the six simple, and most importantly, affordable pieces of advice I was given for longer, stronger nails that actually worked.
I chose cuticle oil over nail hardeners
Dr. Dana Stern, board-certified dermatologist and founder of Dr. Dana, says that the cuticle is the nail’s natural protective seal. When it becomes dry and dehydrated, it’s compromised: “When this happens, water and moisture can enter the nail unit,” she says. “This causes all sorts of problems, including redness and swelling,” and eventually, the nail could grow irregularly: “Think white patches, bumps, thickening, and discoloration,” she says.
While most nail technicians will trim or remove dead cuticle skin during a manicure for aesthetic reasons, using cuticle oil still offers multiple benefits for the remaining skin surrounding your nails, as I’ve discovered: “Regular application of cuticle oil helps maintain hydration,” says consultant dermatologist Dr. Zainab Laftah. “Hydration benefits both the nail and surrounding skin by reducing brittleness, enhancing nail health, supporting healthy nail growth, and preventing infections,” she adds.
Unlike nail hardeners, which can make nails a little too hard, session manicurist Ami Streets says that cuticle oil keeps nails flexible, withstanding everyday wear and tear. “Cuticle oil is the best product for growing nails — and my most recommended item to add to your beauty routine,” she says.
Dr. Dana recommends her Nourishing Cuticle Oil, with jojoba oil and indigo naturalis, a Chinese plant known to repair and strengthen the skin barrier. Complete with a handy roller ball for easy, drip-free application, it’s an oil I can vouch for, having used it down to the very last drop. Another of my favorites is Sally Hansen Vitamin E Nail & Cuticle Oil, with moisturizing vitamin E and a dream team of nourishing plant oils. Streets also loves L’Occitane Shea Nail & Cuticle Oil, which is twice as moisturizing as the impressive hand cream in the same collection, and Jessica Phenomenoil, another oil we’ve both used up.
Besides ingredients, exactly how you use your cuticle oil matters, too. Streets says that a single drop on each cuticle is ample — and it’s best applied at night to give the oil time to absorb. Not only does cuticle oil hydrate deeper than hand creams, but Streets and Dr. Dana say that the massaging motion could help stimulate circulation and promote nail growth, too.
I switched from traditional gel to builder gel — or BIAB
Not all gel nail polish is created equal. On my brittle nails, most would chip quickly. I’d then pick off the polish and damage my nails even further. It wasn’t until a fellow beauty journalist recommended Builder in a Bottle — also known as BIAB or builder gel — that my nails grew long and strong. I’m almost a year in, and I haven’t had a single chip or break. They’re growing so quickly that I always ask my nail technician to cut them down.
“Builder in a Bottle is a specific type of gel that lends strength and structure to natural nails,” explains Streets. Thanks to its stronger base, Streets says that it’s a great option for those who want to reinforce their nails while trying to grow them, as they can last up to three weeks. Another great thing about BIAB is that it can be infilled, says Streets. This involves getting the grown-out gap near your cuticles filled in with more gel, rather than having to fully remove the polish each time. “This allows natural nails to maintain growth,” adds Streets, but she recommends a maximum of two to three repeated infills before having a short break to keep your nails healthy and happy.
Thanks to BIAB’s harder, more durable finish, Dr. Dana says that it not only serves as a “protective armor” for nails, but it typically has a forgiving, less damaging removal process by soaking off, so it tends to be more advantageous than other nail enhancements like acrylics. “I’ve seen patients who use BIAB and have very healthy nails in comparison to my patients who wear acrylics and do constant soak-off gels,” she says, adding that BIAB’s durable nature also makes it a good option for nail biters.
I addressed my vitamin D deficiency, which helped my brittle nails
When a blood test revealed that my vitamin D levels were low, I began taking a 2000 IU vitamin D supplement daily alongside my trusty omega-3, 6, and 9. While there are multiple health benefits to both, Dr. Laftah points out that they could have additional advantages for nails: “Addressing a vitamin D deficiency can improve nail health as low levels can result in brittle nails,” she tells me. Interestingly, one small study suggests that hapalonychia — a condition that causes nails to become soft and prone to breakage — has been associated with vitamin D deficiency. As for omega-3? “Incorporating omega-3 fatty acids into your diet may also benefit nails by providing essential nutrients that support overall nail strength and integrity,” Dr. Laftah says.
However, Dr. Dana points out that no robust studies prove that vitamins or supplements benefit nail health. But since nails are made of keratin (a type of protein), she suggests that if your diet lacks sufficient protein, it may be worth considering protein supplementation to improve the condition of your nails. Streets also advises incorporating more protein into your diet and drives home the importance of staying hydrated.
Before adding supplements to your routine, consult your doctor to ensure they’re safe and suitable for you.
I took hand cream very seriously
Previously, I’d only use lotion when my hands were uncomfortably dry and on the verge of cracking. Over the past few months, though, I’ve taken moisturizing very seriously, and I’m convinced that keeping my hands adequately hydrated throughout the day has also benefited my nails.
I was right. For clients who want longer, stronger nails, Dr. Laftah recommends moisturizing regularly to maintain hydration. “Using a nourishing and hydrating hand cream can help,” adds Streets. “Not only does it keep skin in a supple and soft condition, but it can also act as a protective barrier against environmental stressors,” — like cold weather. Streets says that dry, cracked skin and cuticles can lead to infection or weak nail growth, so consistent daily use of a moisturizing product is essential.
If you want fast hydration without the sticky feel, I love Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Hand Cream. If your hands are especially dry, my all-time favorite hand lotion is L’Occitane Shea Butter Hand Cream. The silky soft feeling sticks around for hours — even post-hand-wash. “On application, make sure you use a massaging motion,” advises Streets. “It can help to boost blood flow to hands and cuticles, which supports new nail growth even further.”
I started using a glass nail file
Dr. Dana believes that many nail files, particularly traditional, rough emery boards, can be too abrasive for natural nails, potentially causing “microscopic tears” that lead to splits and breakage. That’s where glass or crystal nail files come in. On days when I gave my nails a break from BIAB, I’d file away rough edges with a glass file, which I’m certain is kinder on nails.
“In contrast [to emery boards], glass creates a perfectly smooth, split-free edge to the nail,” says Dr. Dana, who uses the Precision Glass File. Likewise, Streets believes that a glass nail file is a worthwhile investment for at-home manicures: “They provide a finer and more controlled filing experience, and the smooth edges help seal the keratin layers at the nail’s edge, preventing splitting, peeling, and snagging that can occur when using a rougher emery board.” What’s more, Streets points out that glass nail files are non-porous and can be washed or sanitized between uses.
Lastly, I exfoliated my nails
With its ability to exfoliate the skin, leaving it smoother and brighter, glycolic acid is a staple in many skincare routines, but it can benefit your natural nails, too. In between BIAB appointments, I’ve often applied a glycolic acid toner to my nails and cuticles using a cotton swab, then followed with a glug of cuticle oil. The result? Fewer flakes and a stronger, smoother canvas for nail polish. If you’d rather not DIY, try the Dr. Dana Nail Renewal System, a once-weekly, 3-step nail system that boasts glycolic acid, a nail primer, and a hydrating gel-oil to reveal healthy, hydrated, and shiny nails, fast. “It’s perfect for brittle, peeling, weak nails, post-gel damage, or if you simply want a gorgeous, healthy-looking shine without having to go to the salon,” says Dr. Dana.
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Susan Devaney, Lifestyle Director
Image Courtesy of Susan DevaneyDisclosure: I can’t play tennis, but I love everything about Wimbledon — including the merchandise. This year, I’m lucky enough to be going to the men’s finals (OMG!) but until that day arrives, I’ve been sipping on my very own Wimbledon mug every morning (and using this delightful tea towel, too!). Last year, I managed to get my hands on a sought-after Wimbledon bath towel — will I be so lucky next year too? I’m living in hope!
Wimbledon Wimbledon Awaits Scene Mug, $, available at WimbledonImage Courtesy of WimbledonIn London, the weather is gloriously sunny, but I found a great excuse to stay indoors: Schiaparelli: Fashion Becomes Art exhibition. Currently on at the V&A, it’s a showstopper love letter to the Italian designer Elsa Schiaparelli. Known for her love to shock, the exhibition captures this and more with an array of her designs on show for us all to see up close and fully enjoy. It’s witty, full of colour and interesting from start to finish, just like Schiap herself.
Weekday tickets are priced at £28 ($37), while weekend tickets cost £30 ($39). You can book tickets in advance here. Image Courtesy of V&AFor MONTHS, I’ve been hunting for a bin that looks sleek, easy to keep clean and will seamlessly fit with my stainless-steel kitchen vibe. So — after my lovely colleague Raquel Reichard, Deputy Director of Somos, recommended this Simplehuman bin I had to try one out for myself. Not only does the size fit perfectly in a corner of my kitchen, but it helps me to easily sort my recycling from my trash, too. Score!
simplehuman Simplehuman Step Recycler, $, available at simplehumanImage Courtesy of SimplehumanLike so many other women I know, I manage three different skin conditions: acne, rosacea and eczema. For this reason, going for a facial is not always on my hit list due to a skin flare up of some sort afterwards. But I was pleasantly surprised to see glowing, flare-up-free skin for days after trying the Elemis signature facial at the British brand’s store in London. Not only was it a very relaxing experience, but all the products used on my skin smelled incredible but not overpowering — and they conducted a skin analysis first so I could get an insight into how my skin was really doing. Since my facial, I’ve been using the Elemis pro-collagen firm and sculpt collection daily and I simply love it.
Elemis signature facial is priced at £80 ($105) for 45 minutes. You can book it here. Image Courtesy of Elemis
Jacqueline Kilikita, Beauty Director
Image Courtesy of Jacqueline KilikitaArchies have been all over my feed this summer, and seeing as I’m easily influenced, I had to grab a pair (actually, two) for myself. I can safely say they’re the best flip-flops I’ve ever owned — but they aren’t just a shoe.
Unlike most pairs, they’re one complete shoe, so the toe post is seamlessly integrated with the sole rather than attached, which means there’s no risk of it coming away and leaving you barefoot mid-walk. But the real star is the arch support — perfect if you have flat feet, and still great for anyone who finds that walking around a city in flats, pounding the pavement, leaves their soles aching the next day. They feel like walking on air. I have them in Coral and Black, but I’ve got my eye on the brown pair, too. You can dress them up or down; I love wearing them with summer dresses just as much as with jeans. My feet are better off.
Archies Archies Flip Flops, $, available at ArchiesImage Courtesy of ArchiesI thought living with a SULA (sweaty upper lip alert) was just part and parcel of my life, until I spotted a friend on the Tube with the Shark Chill Pill fan and immediately knew I had to have it. It can be worn around your neck, attached to something, or propped up on a table next to your laptop. But the best part is that it’s not just a fan — it also mists (!) cooling you down even better at the same time. The spray is so fine your neighbours or desk buddies won’t feel it, but it makes such a difference on hot days. I've carted the bright pink one, obvs. My other portable fans are going in the recycling bin.
Shark Shark ChillPill™ Personal Fan, $, available at SharkImage Courtesy of Shark
Karina Hoshikawa, Senior Writer
Image Courtesy of Karina HoshikawaI’ve taken Ritual multivitamins for years, and they’re still the only ones I genuinely feel good about. They never leave me feeling bloated or gross after the fact — even if I take them on an empty stomach, which I try not to do — and I appreciate that they’re vegan, free of artificial colorants, and Made Traceable certified. I travel often for work, and I’m convinced they’re part of the reason I don’t get sick all that often despite spending so much time in germ-filled airports. I usually order them on subscription (which saves a bit of money, too), but if I ever run out while I’m away from home, I love knowing I can pop into Target and grab a bottle in a pinch.
Ritual Ritual Women’s Multivitamin 18+, $, available at RitualImage Courtesy of RitualI adopted a kitten last month, and one of the first things I wanted to do was learn more about the newest member of our family —just like I did with my rescue dog, Miso. So I picked up one of Wisdom Panel’s cat DNA testing kits, and while I’m still waiting for Lucy’s results to come in, the entire process has been incredibly seamless and easy so far. I can’t wait to learn more about my sweet girl, and I already know this is something I’d gift to any new cat mom in a heartbeat.
chewy Wisdom Panel Complete Cat DNA Test, $, available at ChewyImage Courtesy of ChewyAnother item I picked up in preparation for life as a new cat mom is Blueair’s new Blue Signature Medium air purifier. I had a Dyson model for years but recently had to retire it, and this has been an excellent replacement. It’s sleek and compact yet still packs a punch, and it’s been working overtime in our living room to help cut down on dust, pet dander, and fur floating through the air. The only downside? My curious kitten has briefly mistaken it for a scratching post. Still, I’d consider it an essential for any pet parent.
Dyson Dyson BLUEAIR Blue Signature SP3i Air Purifier, $, available at AmazonImage Courtesy of Dyson/Amazon
Alexis Parker Bennett, Shopping Partnerships
Image Courtesy of Alexis Parker BennettThe weather is heating up, and I’m already thinking of ways to stay cool this summer. I recently invested in a long-lasting portable fan and couldn’t be happier with the purchase. The burst of air is incredibly refreshing on scorching days, and it’s impressively quiet, too. Even better, the durable design can withstand a fall or two, making it perfect for life on the go. It’s proof that good things really do come in small packages.
Dyson Dyson HushJet™ Mini Cool fan, $, available at DysonImage Courtesy of Dyson
Raquel Reichard, Deputy Director of Somos
Image Courtesy of Raquel ReichardI have a strict no-shoes rule in my house, and yet, the sand, dirt, and relentless grime of Florida always seem to make their way inside — especially in the summertime. The Shark® PowerDetect™ UV Reveal™ 2-In-1 Vac & Mop (Luxe Collection) has been an absolute lifesaver for handling that. Because of its shape, this robot vacuum reaches deep into corners to grab debris hiding on my floors. It also features UV stain-detect technology that reveals (and mops!) hidden spots that even my admittedly hyper-nitpicky eyes miss. It vacuums, mops, and sanitizes all while coming in a sleek, ivory finish.
Shark The Shark® PowerDetect™ UV Reveal™ 2-In-1 Vac & Mop, $, available at SharkImage Courtesy of SharkThe Fairmont El San Juan Hotel is one of Puerto Rico’s most iconic luxury landmarks for a reason. With its crown jewel, the Czech Crystal Chandelier, hanging from the center of the iconic Palm Court Lobby, to the dramatic wooden arches and ceilings of its hand-carved Santo Domingo mahogany ceilings, walking into the 15-acre tropical hotel on the shores of Isla Verde Beach transports you to a bygone era of mid-century elegance. Opened in 1958, it became the epicenter of the golden era of Puerto Rican entertainment, with artists like Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., and Nat King Cole performing at its Club Tropicoro.
In April, I stayed at the iconic hotel and got front-row seats at its relaunch of its moody speakeasy Chico Cabaret to revive this era, with performers singing classic boleros and salsa as vedettes in red headdresses and feather boas danced around. But while The Fairmont El San Juan Hotel honors its past life, it’s not stuck there. Caña, the hotel’s signature culinary experience by celebrated Puerto Rican chef José Enrique, a multi-time James Beard Award finalist, boasts a bright, airy modern design that blends with the breezy, tropical views. Serving breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I enjoyed some of the restaurant’s vegan treats, like a savory, slow-simmered eggplant stew and traditional pasteles creatively prepared with local root vegetables.
I spent one night in one of the Grand Tower suites, a sanctuary overlooking the Atlantic Ocean that’s equipped with a plush living area, wet bar, and a marble bathroom, and I now understand why Hollywood stars move into hotels. I didn’t want to leave.
Breakups. We’ve watched the movies. Read the books. Wept ugly tears at the songs. It's not new to us. The days of not being able to stomach food or close your eyes to fall asleep for fear that your mind will replay a highlights reel of everything that went wrong, of feeling like your heart has hardened into such a gnarled and twisted root that it will stay that way forever. Then a day passes, and another. And eventually, lying in bed one day, you realize it’s not the first thing you thought about when you woke up or the last thing you thought about before you fell asleep. A day passes when you don’t even think about them at all.
Time and introspection play a valuable role in helping us move on and heal from a decimated relationship. But knowing this doesn’t make it any easier when we're going through a breakup.
What can help (as well as an enraged group of supportive friends) are the experiences of other people, which have always served as a jumping-off point for our own epiphanies, realizations, and healing. We learn so much about life, love, and ourselves when a relationship ends. And it is comforting to think, there are other people who went through what I’m going through, and they are okay.
Refinery29 spoke to 12 women about the last breakup they had before they met their current partner, what it taught them, and what came next.
This article was originally published in 2023 and has since been updated. How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? About two years. We were together for a little under a year.
When did you realize that things were ending? I knew things were ending when I could no longer tolerate the behaviors I made excuses for prior. When he stopped putting in effort to make things work and real effort to be present at all.
What did the breakup teach you? It taught me that even though I tried so hard to be relaxed about things, I do have non-negotiables in my relationships. A big one being I cannot be with someone who stays at home with their parents and relies on them financially and has no plans of moving out or pursuing a career to sustain their own life at 25+ years old. That breakup also taught me not to delay the cutting of ties and to trust my instincts. It taught me to listen to my wants and needs and move with those in mind first before overthinking how they might affect the other person.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I actually met my current partner while I was still in my last relationship and we have been together going on two years now.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Advice that I would give to us twentysomethings navigating this tricky dating pool, especially those of us who haven't grown up around healthy relationships, is to first trust yourself. Feelings may not always be fact but the anxiety your body feels is very telling. Second, find hobbies and dedicate time to finding new things to love about life. The biggest advice that I can give is to understand that just because things don’t work out, does not mean that it is a failed relationship. Things sometimes just do not work out and that’s okay. Companionship and partnership will find you and embrace you in the ways you need most.
Alexis, 23How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together?My last breakup was in 2013 and we were together for one year.
When did you realize that things were ending? I was in LA for two months during our relationship and he would purposely interact with women on Twitter he had been sexually involved with in the past to try to piss me off. I remember sitting under the beautiful morning sun in a stunning garden, surrounded by nature, and I was confronting him on video call about his behavior online and how it made me feel. His response was "I wanted you to miss me." That made me realize that I didn't need that shit in my life, especially when abroad for projects and self-development. I thought to myself, wait, why am I with someone who purposely makes me feel like this? I'm sitting in a beautiful country, having breakfast under the sun and I'm dealing with this drama that is so unnecessary.
What did the breakup teach you? I actually surprised myself with this breakup because I encouraged myself to move on from him (in 10 days to be exact). He ended up cheating on me towards the end of our relationship and that was a pivotal moment in my life where I learned to shift that energy and focus on myself. I remember waking up after my 10th day of crying and I jumped out of bed and said to myself, I'm done,I don't want to feel like this anymore.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I met my current partner in 2009 when I first moved to London. This was way before I was involved in that previous relationship! We were friends first, but got together in 2017 when we had to train for a competition in Portugal, and everything just fell into place. We've been together six years now (two years engaged) and he is honestly my best friend.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Love yourself and take care of yourself first.
Lucy, 31How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? Two years ago. We were together for four years.
When did you realize that things were ending? As we got older, I realized I was never going to be happy in a marriage with this person.
What did the breakup teach you? A romantic relationship should not consume your life — friendships and family and work relationships should be important to you because love comes in many forms (and your partner should want you to nurture these other relationships).
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? A year and a half after. We've been together for five months.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Be honest with yourself and the people around you about your feelings, and focus on yourself. Say yes to experiences with other people and new friends — it will help you realize there’s a lot more to life than this person and this relationship.
Kira, 26How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? About seven years ago and we were together for seven months.
When did you realize that things were ending? Honestly, I was completely blindsided by it but when I look back I can see the signs. It was her first real relationship with a woman and she had a lot to figure out about herself still. I should have known when four or so months in, I told her I loved her and instead of responding, she turned over, fell asleep, and then we didn't speak for 24 hours (she never said it back). Then, about a month before we broke up, she told me she wanted to try opening up our relationship. I'm a deeply monogamous person, but I loved her so I said I would try. I saw a sex therapist to discuss what I would want from an open relationship and I put together a whole document of how I could feel comfortable being open. I presented the document to her and she didn't like that I wanted to have rules for our open relationship. By the end of the conversation, she had broken up with me. Over the next month, I found out that she had already started seeing other people/hooking up with other people before she even broached the conversation of being open. Maybe I should have known when she constantly wanted to go out dancing with her friends and I wasn't invited, but I (very naively) trusted her.
What did the breakup teach you? I credit this shit show of a relationship for forcing me to be honest with myself about what I need in a relationship and also for teaching me that I really needed to stop being a doormat in my relationships. After this breakup, I took a few months to recuperate and then entered the dating world again, knowing I had a few non-negotiables for my next relationship. I needed my next partner to be emotionally intelligent, comfortable in their queerness, and excellent at communication. I also really needed to date someone monogamous.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I met my now wife about six months after my last breakup and we've been together for six years.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? My first piece of advice is to let yourself feel sad for as long as you need. Everyone heals at different speeds and there's no right answer for how long it takes to get over someone. My second piece of advice is to let every breakup be a lesson. Look at why the relationship didn't work and be brutally honest with yourself in every future relationship. If you're seeing a pattern in your partners that isn't working for you, then take a look inward. Don't settle for less than what you need; you deserve happiness.
Sadie, 30How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? My last breakup was my divorce. I was married for five years and it ended three years ago.
When did you realize that things were ending? I realized my relationship was ending when we were no longer aligned on anything. There were constant misunderstandings and arguments and then one day choosing not to fight became the more peaceful choice.
What did the breakup teach you? My breakup (divorce) isn’t what most would consider normal. We ended things quite peacefully and even had breakfast together after the divorce went through. What this taught me was that even though a chapter was closing for me, as sad as it seemed in the moment, there was also this understanding that when you know it’s time to let go, it’s okay to let go. Not comparing his life to mine, also helped me move on peacefully with time.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I didn’t start dating until two and a half years later. My current partner and I are going nine months strong.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Please, please, please do not compare yourself and your healing to your ex-partner's. Your value is not diminished simply because your ex has moved on before you or vice versa, or by how whoever you think they’ve moved on with compares to you. Whether you are compared better or worse, when you stop looking at it that way, you gain peace by accepting that each person deserves just as much happiness as you do.
Kristina, 33How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? Three and a half years ago. We were together for two and a half years.
When did you realize that things were ending? I realized things were ending when I finally learned how to love myself and see our relationship for what it really was: toxic. I excused my partner's abusive behavior over and over again when really I should have walked away at the first signs of manipulation and abuse. When you’re brought up with unhealthy relationships at home, it makes you think that particular behaviors are normal. It took me a lot of time and therapy to see that all I really needed was to love myself to see that their behavior was so far from what I deserved.
What did the breakup teach you? Always trust your gut and trust your friends — they’re right 99% of the time. Most importantly, never settle for anything less than what you deserve.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? My current partner and I were friends in secondary school and dated previously, on and off. He was there for me as a friend when my ex and I broke up and something just clicked. It’s been three years now.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Every breakup is a lesson. You will go through feeling really low, feeling invincible and feeling nothing. You just have to feel it all. After all the hard work, you always come out of it as a stronger version of yourself.
Martha*, 28
*Name changed to protect their identityHow long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? My last breakup was over five years ago. We were together for six months and had been friends for years before. I left my previous partner of five years to be with them. They told me that they wanted to be with me, even though I was in a relationship already. I had always found them so attractive and I was flattered by their attention.
When did you realize that things were ending? Things slowly turned as we started dating. They became critical of how I looked, my opinions, and my career. They never acted like this when we were friends, it was as if now I was their partner, I wasn’t good enough. It reached a peak when they started making plans to move abroad and said they didn’t want me to come with them. I ended the relationship and they asked if I would continue having sex with them until they moved abroad. Hard pass.
What did the breakup teach you? I stayed single for a long time and spent time learning about my self-worth and self-esteem. I also took a hard look at my own judgments and what I valued about other partners. I realized I had been chasing people who I felt were out of my league instead of respecting myself.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I met my current partner last summer on Hinge (there is still hope on the apps!). They are supportive and remind me constantly of why they value me and our relationship. I find their excitement about life, their intelligence, and their respect for me so attractive. They are also physically attractive, but I now value more than just physical looks.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Be curious about what the breakup has taught you about yourself. It wasn’t my fault that my ex was so disrespectful, but I did stay longer than I should have.
Lindsay, 35How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? We were together for around nine months. It was way back in 2011 and honestly, I think I've blocked out most memories of that time from my brain.
When did you realize that things were ending? I remember one day I had diarrhea and I told my mom about it, and later that day she asked me how my tummy was feeling in front of him. I was mortified that he would judge me for that. My mom told me if I still feel uncomfortable talking about these types of things with my partner, it's not going to work out in the long run.
What did the breakup teach you? If your whole family and all of your friends don't like your boyfriend, it's probably because he's not a great guy.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I met him around a year later (after a short hot girl era) and we have been together for 10 years now.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? I'm a fan of the cold turkey — cut off all contact!
Abigail, 29How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? We broke up six years ago and we were together for nearly three years.
When did you realize that things were ending? It ended because I found out he was cheating on me. It’s actually the funniest way I’ve ever found out someone’s cheated on me. Basically, for months prior I was getting really anxious because he kept liking other girls' pictures on Instagram. He was totally gaslighting me by telling me that it was happening by accident when he was scrolling through Instagram and that I was being an idiot for even worrying.
Anyway, this guy was also a musician who played with some singer who had a live appearance on a BBC show. He was at the BBC, about to go on, and I was at home playing Sims on his laptop while he was out. A message came up on his laptop from a girl that I recognized as one of these girls whose photos he had sworn he’d only accidentally liked. I’m not one to pry but I kind of had to and so I clicked on it and it took me to his Facebook messages, where there were so many messages between him and hundreds of women.
He often went on tour for half of the year and he basically tried to pull every time he got off that tour bus. I called him and he was about three minutes from having to go live on TV and I just dropped that I’d read his Facebook and he must have shit a brick. He was trying to log me out while being ushered on stage. I called my best friend and tuned into BBC1 to watch him live on TV, knowing he wasn’t able to log me out of his Facebook before being forced on stage (his friends actually made a hilarious meme of a screenshot of him playing live, looking unwell). He came home and I’d already packed up my stuff, saved my Sims game to the cloud, gone home, and that was it!
What did it teach me? I only really realized how bad a boyfriend and friend he was when I met my current boyfriend. It's sad but I can’t say he was the first boyfriend that treated me terribly. It was a case of being really insecure from being hurt badly once before and then also being in my 20s. Don't get me wrong, this guy made me laugh, took me to lots of gigs, and had fun friends. It was a good time. But he wasn’t convincing me that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with because, looking back, he was totally obsessed with himself. He never asked me how I was doing or how my day was. If I started to talk about something happening at work, his eyes would glaze over and he’d be glancing over at the game on the TV behind me. He didn't really care about me at all.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I’ve been with my current boyfriend for about four years and we met a year and a half after my and I ex broke up. I found it incredibly uncomfortable at the beginning that he had a genuine interest in me — basic things like asking me how my day was and actually caring was really weird to me. He wanted to actually hang out with me on the weekends and go and do stuff together. I feel my current boyfriend taught me how to be treated properly. The way my ex treated me was up and down. It's often an addictive cycle, where you’re chasing the next high, and it’s pretty draining. I think I learned that just having a consistent treatment without these peaks and valleys is more sustainable for a relationship.
Advice for someone going through a breakup? After a breakup, you feel like it is the end of the world. I would always ask myself, in five years will I still feel like this? The answer has always been no. Even though five years sounds like a long time, it just gives clarity that what you’re feeling in that moment is not going to last forever, though it often feels that way. I also don’t think anyone will listen to advice and act on it. When has anyone had a friend that has a shitty boyfriend and listened to your advice that they should break up with them? Never going to happen. People need to go through it themselves and you just have to meet them on the other side. Going through a breakup sucks but week two is always better than week one and week three always better than week two. In a blink of an eye, it’s been a few months and you’re probably on to the next thing.
Nazli, 30How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? My last breakup was six years ago and we'd been together for five years.
When did you realize that things were ending? We'd had a really rocky year beforehand when I'd found out I'd be moving to another country for medical school. I was so sure we'd be absolutely fine because we'd always thought we'd get married and had so many plans for the future. Plus I was only moving an hour (by plane) away so although I knew it would be hard, I thought we'd make loads of time for one another. That lead-up ended up revealing so many insecurities from him about our relationship and I started to realize we had very different ideas about what a relationship meant, different values, and different goals for the future. I think my taking a big step in my career made us strangely competitive and he never seemed proud of me. Sadly, all of the arguing just made us more distant and slowly I started to realize we weren't willing to put the same kind of effort in. Much to my surprise, one day we had a really silly argument (about breakfast) and that's when I ended it.
What did the breakup teach you? Between the breakup with the man I thought I'd marry and the stress of moving to another country and doing the most intense studying of my life, I decided to start therapy. This was genuinely the best decision I ever made.
I realized I actually really struggled with being emotionally vulnerable and honest with another person. What I thought was me being radically truthful, was actually defensiveness and anxiety. Because of the way we had argued, my self-esteem was so low after and I had internalized loads of ideas about not being good enough and not being able to maintain a serious relationship.
Therapy helped me spend time with my own internal world, quiet that negative voice, and really get to know myself. From that, I could understand what I wanted in a partner and how I could be more open to receiving love.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I genuinely believe I manifested my current partner. It was about two years after my breakup and by writing down the aspects of myself I valued and loved, I was able to also think about these aspects in someone else. About three months later, we met (or more accurately, re-met as we'd been friends for about eight years prior) and we fell in love pretty quickly. We've been together three years now and although sometimes those same insecurities or fears of vulnerability come up in me, he's so understanding and reassuring that I feel so secure.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Spend time with yourself, let yourself feel the feelings when they come up, and grieve the loss. Once you're ready, think about why it ended and whether it was truly the right relationship for you. Reassess what you want your future to look like, and who would be the right person to join you for the journey.
The weird thing about breakups is even though they mostly suck, they re-expand your world. When you're with someone else you meld into each other's plans, but when you're single you get to dream big. You can take that new job, move to a new country, do that new thing! And because life is funny, the second you start to feel amazing again, some new person will come into your life that'll throw you off balance and make you think about taking that dive again. But this time you'll be well-equipped for the right person.
Caroline, 32How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together?My last breakup was almost two years ago and we were together for five years.
When did you realize that things were ending? During lockdown, we took some time to visit our families separately. We went almost an entire week without speaking on the phone or texting. We would ultimately spend three months physically separated, only talking on the phone a handful of times. By the time we reunited, it was obvious that there was nothing between us anymore (mostly physically, as we still enjoyed being around each other as friends). We also weren't moving forward — we had no plans to move in together, spend quality time together, or take the next steps as partners.
What did the breakup teach you? My relationship had so many ups and downs, no communication, and major needs not being met. I learned that I can't make someone love me in the way I want to be loved. It needs to happen naturally. I was always bending over backward to mold to his way of being in a relationship, and in return, I was harsh to him and pushed him away. Looking back, it's so clear we should have just been friends but it's difficult to see that when you're attracted to the person and also invest so much emotional energy into something. After a few years, your lives become so intertwined and it's hard to break up so you just stay in it and wait for the spark to come back.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? I had told myself I was going to be single for a year. Famous last words. My current partner and I met about six months after my last breakup and have been together a year and a half and happily living together for a year.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? Breakups teach you so much. It's a hard transition, of course, but after each one, you learn more about your needs, your boundaries, and your goals. It's totally fine to be a mess, to cry and be in pain, but eventually, it'll subside. For me, it became so clear that I wanted a house, I wanted a family, I wanted someone to build towards a future with me, and I found that in my current partner.
Nicole, 32How long ago was your last breakup and how long were you together? My last breakup was in 2019 and we were together for two years. I didn't intend on it lasting as long as it did to begin with, which was part of the problem.
When did you realise that things were ending? I knew my ex-boyfriend wasn’t the one, but I was too scared of hurting him that I didn’t help myself. That was worse.
It was college; we were having fun, and things felt light and easy; it wasn’t meant to be serious. And then his dad died in the middle of my senior year. By the end of senior year, I really knew I didn’t want to continue sliding into the future with him, but I also didn’t want to break his heart while he was already grieving. So I stayed.
I moved states after graduation to figured out my post-grad life and a post-grad job. I intended to go back, eventually. Maybe. A few days after I moved, I received a text message from one of my old roommates. It read something like, “I am so incredibly sorry, but I just found your boyfriend on Tinder.”
I was relieved. It was an easy out. I broke up with him. I stayed in my new state. I swore off dating.
What did the breakup teach you? My last breakup taught me that there’s never good timing to end a relationship, the best time is when you no longer want to be in it anymore. I was so worried about making things worse for him that I didn’t realise me staying with him even, though I didn’t want to be, was maybe the cruelest thing I could have done.
How long afterwards did you meet your current partner and how long have you been together now? A week or two later, I met a boy.
He had also just gotten out of a long-term relationship, and neither of us wanted anything serious. We were meant to be just friends but we couldn’t stop seeing each other.
This time, the non-relationship relationship felt light and easy in a different way. I never wanted to not be with him. Then we started dating. Then he moved states, and I moved to him. And then we got engaged, and now we’re getting married in the spring. It's been five years.
Advice for anyone going through a breakup right now? It’s easy to get lost in the mindset of “I’m never going to meet anyone else” or “I’ll be alone forever,” but that’s not true unless you want it to be. Focus your energy on loving yourself, getting into good routines, finding health and balance and real, kind, and supportive friendships, and the rest will fall into place. My mom always told me that true love comes when you’re not looking for it, to which I would always roll my eyes. She was right. As always.
Chloe, 28
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