Manage a Marriage During Infertility

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−	Liquid error: wrong number of arguments (given 1, expected 2)For couples dealing with the stress of infertility, the marriage itself can become an afterthought. It's very important for the couple to take steps to solidify their relationship in order to maximize the chances of a successful family.	+	If you’re already dealing with the stress caused by infertility, worrying about the strain it’s putting on your marriage may feel overwhelming. However, marriages can survive and even strengthen when facing infertility, especially when both spouses are ready and willing to work together. Open and honest communication with each other is critical, and bringing in outside help often pays dividends as well. Always remember that infertility is a “we” (not an “I”) challenge that you can manage together as a married couple.
	[[Category:Supporting a Spouse During Hardship]]		[[Category:Supporting a Spouse During Hardship]]
	[[Category:Infertility]]		[[Category:Infertility]]
−	== Steps ==
−	#Involve your partner in every step of the process.  Form a true partnership.  If he/she is involved, it will help distribute and even help combat the stress associated with both the diagnostic process and ongoing treatment.[[Image:Manage a Marriage During Infertility Step 1.jpg|center]]
−	#Set aside time for "real" conversation.  Put your hopes/concerns out there for sharing.  Sharing is more than just stating...it's a reciprocal process where both parties try to understand the others feelings.[[Image:Manage a Marriage During Infertility Step 2.jpg|center]]
−	#Take a break.  It's very easy for infertility to become an all-consuming obsession.  It can also be a full-time job if you let it.  Realize that this may go on for months or even years; and take a vacation from it just as you would from any other job.[[Image:Manage a Marriage During Infertility Step 3.jpg|center]]
−	#Trust yourself.  You know your body better, your stress levels, etc than anyone.  You have instincts - use them.  Whether it's to identify that a particular course of treatment isn't for you, or to decide if a new doctor might be better suited to you, or even if a diagnosis doesn't seem to fit.[[Image:Manage a Marriage During Infertility Step 4.jpg|center]]
−	#Trust your doctor.  You may feel that you and your spouse have researched every possible aspect of infertility out there (thanks to the Web) and know better.  While it is a great idea to empower yourself with knowledge, remember and respect that your doctor is specially trained in this.  Take a deep breath and try to listen to your doctor before deciding you know better.[[Image:Manage a Marriage During Infertility Step 5.jpg|center]]
−	#Be vocal.  Speaking up to your doctor, your spouse, your friends/family - it's important that you be heard.  Don't be afraid to tell your doctor about a treatment you've read about; don't be afraid to ask your spouse to take on more responsibility; and don't be afraid to advocate for yourself with friends/family.  People can be very insensitive without meaning to.  Make your wishes/expectations clearly known so that they won't hurt you inadvertently.[[Image:Manage a Marriage During Infertility Step 6.jpg|center]]
−	== Video ==	+	==Steps==
−		+	===Working Together as a Team===
		+	#Treat infertility as a “we” issue, not an “I” issue. It’s become more popular for couples to say that “we are pregnant,” but infertility is often still viewed as a problem that’s caused by one member of the couple. While determining the specific causes of infertility are important if you’re looking for treatment options, it’s not relevant to the fact that infertility is a shared reality within your marriage.<ref>https://ift.tt/2yB0qIb>
		+	#*If you frame it as a challenge that “we” are facing together, you may be less likely to harbor resentments toward your partner—or to blame yourself for being the person “at fault.”
		+	#*Think of it this way: in a marriage, “it takes two” applies to both fertility and infertility.
		+	#Communicate openly, honestly, and frequently with your spouse. This is essential advice for every marriage at any time, but it’s especially critical when you’re dealing with infertility. Let your partner know when you’re feeling angry, sad, confused, jealous, and whatever other emotions you experience. Encourage them to speak freely as well, and listen actively and openly to them.<ref>https://https://ift.tt/3aJX8Ar>
		+	#*Talk whenever you need to talk, but aim to have your discussions when you’re both calm, alert, and free from distractions. Some couples prefer to have a set discussion time, such as after dinner, while others may benefit from a less structured approach.
		+	#*Use “I” and “we” language when you talk about your feelings, not “you” statements that can feel accusatory—for instance, “I feel like we should try this therapy,” not “Why don’t you want to try this therapy?”
		+	#Look for ways to come closer together instead of drifting apart. Infertility can increase the likelihood of a relationship ending, possibly tripling the likelihood of a divorce. However, while some couples split apart in the face of this major challenge, others develop a deeper and stronger bond. Communicating often and working as a team give you the best chance of ending up in the second category.<ref>https://ift.tt/2weyRDL>
		+	#*Spend quality time together doing things you both enjoy. Or, try something new that you’ve both been interested in doing.
		+	#*Your future may look different than you expected, so don’t be afraid to discuss your goals and concerns as a couple moving forward.
		+	#Don’t hide or ignore issues regarding sex and intimacy. Dealing with infertility often increases the likelihood of sexual dysfunction—such as decreased desire, arousal, or satisfaction—in females in particular (but not exclusively). This is true whether or not a couple is undergoing fertility treatments. It’s also completely normal, and the best way to deal with it is to talk about it.<ref>https://ift.tt/3dOrkMK>
		+	#*If you’re undergoing fertility treatments, sex may feel mechanical or like an obligation. Or, sex may remind you of your fertility “failure,” or even just seem pointless.
		+	#*Sexual dysfunction related to infertility is usually temporary, and open and honest communication is key to moving beyond it. In some cases, working with a couples counselor with experience dealing with infertility issues may be helpful.
−	== Tips ==	+	===Dealing with Your Individual Concerns===
−	*Remember that fertility treatments have an end; your relationship will continue well beyond this undertaking...whether it's as parents or in a new direction, you'll be in it together and will need something else to focus on when fertility is no longer the dominant thing in your lives.	+	#Accept your feelings of loss as valid and normal. Infertility can trigger feelings of loss similar to those from experiencing a death. You may feel as though you’ve lost the future you imagined for yourself and your marriage, and it’s completely normal to feel this way. Allow yourself to experience this sense of loss so that you can find ways to manage it.<ref>https://ift.tt/2UJqrOg>
		+	#*Talking to your spouse, and possibly to a counselor, are important measures you can take, but you should also communicate with yourself.
		+	#*When you’re feeling a strong sense of loss, tell yourself something like the following: “It’s okay that I feel sad that I may not have the future I expected. I can’t control the future, only today.”
		+	#Avoid blaming yourself or your spouse for things beyond your control. Infertility doesn’t make you “less than,” or “broken,” or “incomplete,” but it’s easy to feel that way sometimes. Blaming yourself, your spouse, or anyone or anything else for it won’t change anything for the better. Instead, dedicate yourself to those things in your life that you can control.<ref>https://ift.tt/2UJqrOg>
		+	#*You may be able to direct your energies toward fertility treatments, adoption or fostering, or ways to positively impact children in your community. Or, you may want to focus on deepening your bond with your spouse.
		+	#Embrace parts of your identity that aren’t related to having kids. If you’ve always imagined yourself becoming a parent and that future is threatened, you may feel unsure about who you really are. Remind yourself that you’ve always been more than a parent-to-be, and that there are other parts of your identity that you can continue to develop.<ref>https://ift.tt/2yB0qIb>
		+	#*If family is central to you, for example, you can still focus on being a loving, caring, helping child, sibling, cousin, aunt or uncle, etc. The same is true if you identify yourself with your career—you can focus on achieving greater success (however you define it).
		+	#*For the benefit of your marriage, make sure that you continue to support your identity as a spouse.
		+	#Consider carefully whether your marriage can survive infertility. No matter what measures you take as an individual or as a couple, it’s an unfortunate reality that some marriages will not survive infertility. Your struggle with infertility may expose major fault lines that already existed within your relationship, and the forced re-evaluation of your future may lead you to realize that your marriage has run its course.<ref>https://ift.tt/2weyRDL>
		+	#*This is a difficult, emotionally-charged time, so try not to rush into any decisions about your marriage—unless you have reasonable fears that your physical or emotional wellbeing are at risk. If possible, give patience, open communication, and counseling a try.
		+
		+	===Getting Outside Assistance===
		+	#Attend infertility-focused couples counseling sessions. If you’re undergoing fertility treatments, couples counseling should hopefully be included as part of the process. If it isn’t, or if you’re not doing fertility treatments, ask your healthcare provider for recommendations on counselors in your area.<ref>https://ift.tt/2UJqrOg>
		+	#*A couples counselor with experience dealing with fertility issues is particularly helpful here. They can help facilitate open and fruitful communication between you and your spouse.
		+	#Seek out in-person or online infertility support groups. Though people often don’t like to talk about it, infertility is a common issue. There are more couples out there like you than you probably realize, and connecting with others who are “in the same boat” can be very helpful. Support groups can be sources for coping strategies and encouragement, and sometimes just a compassionate sounding board.<ref>https://ift.tt/3bPRgWp>
		+	#*Particularly if you’re undergoing fertility treatments, your healthcare provider should be able to alert you to support groups in your area. It’s also easy to find support groups online, though your best bet is to seek out groups affiliated with a recognized infertility support organization.
		+	#Don’t be ashamed to attend psychotherapy sessions. Going to psychotherapy sessions with a psychologist or psychiatrist can feel like a “step up” from counseling sessions that you may be hesitant to take. However, don’t let your fears or misconceptions get in the way of a potentially beneficial treatment option. Attending psychotherapy doesn’t mean there’s something “wrong” with you—it means you’re working hard to make things “right.”<ref>https://ift.tt/2UJqrOg>
		+	#*Depending on your circumstances, attending sessions as a couple or individually may be more beneficial.
		+	#*Your sessions may involve the use of cognitive behavioral therapy, which involves identifying and replacing negative thought patterns and emotions.
		+	#Utilize anxiety or depression treatments as medically advised. It’s not uncommon for infertility struggles to lead to anxiety and depression, so it’s important to get a proper diagnosis and treatment plan from your healthcare provider. If you’re diagnosed with depression or an anxiety disorder, your healthcare provider may prescribe a combination of medical and non-medical treatments.<ref>https://ift.tt/2UJqrOg>
		+	#*Medical treatments may include antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs. However, if you’re undergoing fertility treatments, special care may need to be taken to avoid potentially harmful drug interactions or side effects.
		+	#*Your healthcare provider may recommend [[Relieve-Stress|stress reduction]] methods like meditation, yoga, light exercise, deep breathing, and mindfulness techniques.
	== Related wikiHows ==		== Related wikiHows ==
	*[[Choose a Fertility Doctor]]		*[[Choose a Fertility Doctor]]
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		+	==References==
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		+	__METHODS__

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