Miley Cyrus got real about the sometimes calamitous nature of love on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast this week. In a two-hour conversation with the host, the “Midnight Sky” singer spent some time talking about her divorce (presumably from Liam Hemsworth, though she didn’t name him specifically).
“I recently just went through a very public divorce that fucking sucked,” the 27-year-old said. “What really sucked about it wasn’t the fact that me and someone that I loved realized that we don’t love each other the way that we used to anymore. That’s okay. I can accept that. I can’t accept the villainizing… Like it’s not ‘one day you were happy on the carpet and the next day you were making out with your friend [Kaitlynn Carter] in Italy! What the fuck?’ Well, there was a lot of time between that that you didn’t see.”
Cyrus alluded to how hard it was for her to let go of what she had with Hemsworth. “Actually, I called the love of mine who I was with when we got divorced, it was almost like a pacifier,” she said. “It was that thing I just needed, not because we were in love anymore but because [of] the comfort and because my brain said, ‘Oh, this feels better. This is comforting.’ But actually,” she went on, “knowing that I was giving in to an addiction made me feel way worse. I had the hangover. Next day, okay, we sleep together, next day, I’m totally hungover.”
Feeling some sort of letdown after reaching out to an ex is not uncommon, says Malika O’Neill, a relationship therapist, sexologist, and founder of The Pleasure Collective, which offers therapy services. “Love turns on all of our feel-good channels in our body, which stimulates hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin,” she says. We associate those good feelings with the person. So it makes sense that after a breakup, when we’re in need of some comfort, we may be tempted to reach out. But later, we might experience a sense of disappointment or sadness, since we know the relationship is over, she says.
Miley talking about her divorce with Liam Hemsworth https://t.co/SEy2ropmHd
— Miley Updates (@MileyUpdates) September 2, 2020
O’Neill says educating yourself about what’s actually happening in your brain and body when you’re hankering for an ex can help you avoid returning to an old flame who isn’t good for you. “Most folks do not have the understanding of why they are feeling what they are, which causes them to feel like they have no control,” O’Neill says. Once you have the knowledge, you can stop and ask yourself if you’re really longing for your old boo or just the way they made you feel.
To get through a heartbreak, O’Neill recommends surrounding yourself with friends and family (even virtually) or, if you feel you need it, considering therapy.
Cyrus added that since her divorce, she’s learned that cutting relationships off cold turkey once they’ve run their course is the best option for her. “I think men in my life have told me that I’m cold or I’m a cold fucking bitch because I leave when things are done,” she said. “I was actually going to say, I’m freaky into a lot of freaky things, but I don’t fuck dead guys. When it’s over, it’s over and you’re dead to me and we move on.”
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